Cut the Pain

I’m seeing things I don’t want to see and hearing things I don’t want to hear.
I’m living a life, I do not want. I’m in a war zone!
Lord, we get what we need and not always what we want.
But I don’t think I ever needed this!

cuttingMy daughter is only 10 and has a depression caused by severe anxiety. It has been going on for years and she has been on medication for about 10 months now. Only… Recently… Things took a turn I didn’t expect: Cutting.

Cutting is also known as self-harm, using a nice word – or self-mutilation, using a hard-core word. It’s a tangible pain that for a moment replaces an intangible and possibly unidentified pain of the heart and mind.

Istrongmomt’s gruesome for a mom to watch and not having many or any means of help. But the tough part of it is actually, that I must be “non-sensitive” to it. Meaning, if I can’t take it – handle it, my child will loose the only safe place she feels she has.
Lord, I really don’t think I ever needed this. 
All I can do is love her through it and patch up the cuts and sore places on her skin and pray, pray, pray… please Lord, no more!

My heart breaks in pieces all the time…
This is my life and I have to accept it, even if I don’t want to.
If I do not accept her condition, I can’t recognize the issues and ultimately help her.
Lord, I need You to help her.

During the years while battling this anxiety that paved the way to depression and now cutting too, I have stayed strong the best I could, but I’m done. I look in the mirror and I see a tired woman. Not one who is thriving in life, but one who is surviving.
Lord, I don’t want to just survive – I want to thrive!depressedmom

I visited a counselor the other day. I did it for myself… and after a test it was revealed that I can be placed in the box of “2-points from severe depression”. Until next meeting, I need to make an effort to do something daily for myself. Something that is good for me.
Lord, I need this.

But Lord, I want to have FUN with You.
To live, love, laugh, do and BE with You.
I know I prayed to be a woman of faith once… but Lord, this road is harder than rocks and my mustard seed inside is melting in the furnace. And it hurts, Lord. It hurts!


Lord, I really need to have some fun with You.

I really need You, now.

warfare

Don’t Lose Hope: A Letter to Special Needs Parents

It’s a rare thing when I choose to reblog a post, but this post really nailed my feelings when it comes to parenting! I’m so grateful because it highlighted something I needed to accept: This is my life, even if I don’t want it to be… Please visit the blog and have a read, especially if you are a special needs parent, but even if you’re not, this post can enlighten you. Have a good read ❤ and don’t give up! 

—————————-

Dear Special Needs Parent, This unexpected life is weird, wonderful, wild and ugly, isn’t it? I think we, of all people, are the ones who can rightly say, “It’s complicated.”…

Source: Don’t Lose Hope: A Letter to Special Needs Parents

Touch the scroll

Photo on 4-17-15 at 9.29.jpgAbout 3 years ago I began a painting… It’s done and I gotta tell you: I’m SO proud of it! I only have 1 slight problem: I need to name it! If you have a suggestion, please make a comment. – Thank you!
IMG_2662.jpgScrolls are pieces of art. They are fascinating and I find it incredibly beautiful to know that Jesus read from a scroll. But instead of me jotting down a lot of explanation, I will allow the painting itself to speak for itself: The journey of my 90 x 90 cm painting.

IMG_2663.jpg
IMG_4589.JPG

IMG_4590.JPGIMG_4591.JPGIMG_4592.JPGIMG_4593.JPG

Leave me in the mess – please!

Because only in the mess, will I be able to truly see the Lord’s hand at work.

Actually, please don’t leave me in the mess, because it’s the last place I want to be in!

maxresdefault.jpg

I don’t know about you, but I often find myself in circumstances and messes where this dilemma exists.
I love seeing how God works in my life. I really really really love it.
At the same time, I thoroughly dislike being in those situations.

Then, of course, an average person, preacher, pastor, sermon etc proclaims that if I didn’t sin, I wouldn’t be stuck in bad situations. While this may be true… I’m pretty sure Jesus found Himself in a few “bad situations” during His 3 years of ministry and He for sure did not sin!
devil-cartoon-008.jpg

So… May I just conclude, that even if I were entirely sinless (yeah, that’s not gonna happen!), the devil would just come at me with all the more force and all the more temptations and all the more… catch my drift? And eventually he would either win over my poor selfish soul or kill me in the process, so to speak. Either would work for him because seriously; the devil would truly slay your newborn baby if he could! The guy has no clue how to spell “mercy”, let alone show it.

Sure… God always provides a way out: Yes indeed the Lord does!tumblr_static_tumblr_static_8l0munbqf6skwc0gsck400s8w_640.gif

But that will inevitably mean you have to get stuck in messes sometimes…!?! So while we do have the power to not sin, we will. The way out of it goes along “the narrow road”, but there are some HUGE gates along that narrow road!
Just saying…

 

So please don’t leave me in the mess… LORD!
Because only in the darkness can we all truly see the light. Amen.

The Versatile blogger award

Thank you very much to Lisa from I will not stay silent who nominated me for the Versatile blogging award. I’m both proud and humbled at the same time!versatile-blogger-award.jpg


The rules are simple:

Rule #1 – You must thank the person that nominated you for the award and then provide a link to their blog site.
Rule #2 – Nominate at least 10 bloggers of your choice and provide links to their blogs.
Rule #3 – Share 7 facts about yourself.

I nominate the following (not listed in personal favorite order):

Following Him besides still waters

Woman for Jesus

Unashamed of Jesus

Laughter: Carbonated Grace

Unshakable hope

23 Thorns

You, me and this world

Shattered in Him

The Dove web

In the desert with Jesus

Here comes 7 facts about me… Though I truly can’t imagine why that would be interesting reading for anyone, but I like the number 7…

#1 – My first blog post Stress – first signs was posted on May 10th 2013. Almost 4 years ago. My blog is about my dance with Jesus – doing life with God and oftentimes wrestling with faith. I enjoy blogging because it allows me to open for subjects which could be closed issues, expand on ideas and thoughts and the best part is that people can choose to read – or not.

#2 – My side-blog Song of Virginity had it’s first post on June 18th 2016 and I’m sorely proud of that blog! It’s an outreach blog for the youth of today. It talks about ALL the issues of virginity and sex, the why not, if not, how not etc. I have had several beautiful posts from guest bloggers and I’m very proud of each and every one of them. It talks and deals openly with issues that, I have found, many wants to keep silent about. However, I’m a firm believer in open honesty and by sharing stories, we just might be able to help a young/single person make the right choices. Please jump over and have a look and don’t be afraid to drop me a line if you feel led to share your story.

#3 – My absolute favorite books and movies are generally historical. One of my favorite books “Desiree” is about a silk merchant’s daughter from Paris who has a friendship with general Napoleon, but ends up marrying the marshal Bernadotte, from the french army – who then gets adopted by the Swedish king and voila: Desiree becomes Queen of Sweden. It’s a work of fiction but historically interesting as the Swedish royal family name is Bernadotte.

#4 – I don’t do facebook. While I do have an account (all in Danish) it’s only to maintain contact to my family there. But truthfully, I don’t use it much and rarely check the newsfeed.

hmalexoftokyo
Her Majesty Queen Alex of Tokyo

#5 – My favorite food is… simple, easy and healthy meals. They don’t grow on trees but I find that “stonesoup.com” is a massive inspiration… and my daughter is sensitive to gluten so ingredients needs to be chosen carefully.

#6 – I love beautiful green gardens and balconies. But I suck at keeping it green…

#7 – I have 5 goldfish in two aquariums, a rabbit and my daughter has a hamster. Can’t help it; I just love pets!

 

Fruit Bowl

Over the holidays, the – ahem – “more” trips to McDonalds or KFC than I care to admit, has kinda left my family and I in a food grip; “Carbs want more carbs”

So to bust some “back-to-the-routine” stress and get some real nutrient back in the bloodstreams, we are now having sweet stuff for dinner!

Doesn’t make much sense I know, but hear me out.
You know those beautiful desserts with ice cream and sweet fruit (often in syrup)? Well, how about an upside down version?
A “fruit bowl”!

It takes 10 – 15 minutes to prepare and it’s so yummy!

Pick 3-4 types of fresh fruit (I use apple, pear, banana, pineapple, strawberry and tangerines f.ex. depending on season). Wash and cut into bite size pieces. Pour into a big bowl and add a scoop of vanilla ice cream. You can add a handful of granola or nuts if you like – or not – and voila: Fruit bowl!

As the ice cream melts, the fruit gets a creamy “dressing” and if you stick to the one scoop it doesn’t become overwhelmingly sweet.

It’s chokfull of vitamins and let’s face it – during this virus season, we really need those extra shots of freshness.

Now, what I’d love to try when I have more time, is to replace the ice cream with this Coconut sherbet “cream” because that would really add to the overall “health” of this stress busting recipe. But even with bought ice cream, this fruit bowl is still a really good alternative to (another) trip to a burger place.

Enjoy

fruitbowl

The Jesus heart

It was 2012 January. It was cold and Japan was still much affected by the 2011 triple disaster and I was very much affected by the fact that our child had been traumatized in her Japanese kindergarten. overkwork.jpeg
My body was weak and my heart was slowly freezing. I was trying to recoup so I could help my child overcome. But my mental and physical condition was rather bad. I slept 2 to 3 hours pr. night. This was before my husband sent me off to the doctor to get some sleeping pills… (So glad he did!).

To get away from it all, we went to the mountains in the Kanto region near Mt. Fuji during that January. Just my daughter and me. I thought I needed to get away… It didn’t do my health much good, but the Lord gave me a Blessing I’ll never forget:
While there, we visited the Venetian glas museum, where Jesus met me in one of my deepest moments of despair.
Imagine an almost empty Venetian estate. Inside it’s full of various glass art, from facets to colorful engravings. The walls are all covered with gorgeous art and the ceiling with paintings of beauty. The lighting is soft and dim in most places and you can hear the smooth sound of water from fountains from almost any place inside the estate.Hakone_Venetian_Glass_Museum_002.jpg

The place was almost empty because it was out of season and my daughter was excitedly going from display to display, up and down the stairs, wow’ed by the beauty.
I was scared of the future, frightened at the present and angry about the past.

I looked up at the ceiling, wondering if life would ever work out – and saw the replica of the famous “Last supper” painted there. I found Jesus and as I did, it was as if His eye moved, looked at me and I heard His voice whisper “You will be okay!”.
Immediately I broke into tears. They streamed down my face… I kept focusing on Jesus in the painting. I refused to let the moment go… but my daughter was calling me and I had to wipe the tears and keep moving.

Jesusheart.jpgMy heart was both heavy and yet light. I knew I was in a rut, but I also knew that Jesus had spoken to me. His assurance took the burden off me. I can’t say that life got easy after this, but that day and the rest of the week in the mountains certainly did.

On our way out of the museum, I stopped by the gift shop and I saw a beautiful red glass heart pendant. I bought it despite the price tag being way over what I would usually pay for a glass pendant, and I call it my “Jesus heart”.
He glued my heart that day with His words.

It’s 5 years ago and it’s still fresh in memory and the heart still hangs around my neck.

Nuts!

I-Miss-U-Like-A-Squirrel-Misses-His-Nuts-Funny-Meme-Image.jpgI’m going total nutcase! and feeling a bit silly about it…

 
When a star dies… the ones made by dreams, hard work, Hollywood or music labels… many fans go all out and the late star is credited in more ways than I can count. When David Bowie, Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston passed away, I kinda shrugged my shoulders and whispered “yes, what a shame such talent should go too soon” and then I moved on.

But… then I learned that George Michael had passed away on Christmas day and I got sincerely sad deep inside my heart.

I don’t do that! – normally.
So this is unchartered territory for me. I’m not even a “fan type” of person…
Well, I’m a “fan” of Jesus, but I don’t consider myself being a fan of “stars” as pr. see, nor did I ever have a teen-crush on George Michael.

So – my only conclusion is that I’m going total nutcase!
One basket of nuts! coming up…
I can’t seem to grasp his death. I keep listening to his music, crying tears I didn’t think I had in me and I’m feeling very weird about it!! Silly really.george-michael-4-274fbbbe-0221-49f7-9670-975d889d2b4c.jpg

I grew up with George Michael’s music!
First Wham! on the dance floors and on my radioshow, then the celebration of his solo career taking off so well and then his many many lyrics about deep feelings… and I realized something; As he grew – or rather his music grew to adulthood – so did I.
One way or another I can relate to his music.
He was a deep thinker and it’s reflected in his lyrics. He had an amazing voice that could sing just about anything. He had a real talent made for real music lovers.

Maybe I’m not entirely a basketcase after all.
Gosh, how I miss George Michael… just knowing that there won’t be another amazing lyric and vocal coming from him. He wasn’t a star because his music label turned him into one. He was a star because he had the talent, the passion and the voice to reach people.

No, George Michael had nothing to do with me meeting Jesus or my journey of faith. This post isn’t about God. This time. It’s about grief.

3BAB2D1200000578-4068514-image-a-1_1482873074103.jpg