Manifesto

The first time I had a sniff of the perfume scent “Manifesto”, I was hooked.
My mom gave it to me as a Christmas present many years ago and to this day, I love that scent! Every day when I add a whiff to my wrists, I remember my mom.

Manifesto is Italian for manifest. Which means something like transparent, undisguised, noticeable or demonstrate, reveal and declare.

The Italian-American former model, author, actress etc Isabella Rossellini is behind this perfume, though that is entirely unimportant to this post.

 

 

 

 

 

This week has been one for the calendar if I ever had one!

My husband was informed that the job project he has been pouring his heart into the past 8 years will close and employees will be transferred to other locations, though we are yet to hear of when and where.
My daughter’s new school-schedule finally fell into place: She’ll be a half day student of her school and then half time student of School support services which is a support to homeschoolers living in Japan. She’ll be dismissed daily at 12:30 and then do reading, math and units with a privately hired, educated teacher doing a tailor-made curriculum with her 3 days a week. 1 day she’ll be with a homeschooling mom close by and the last day I will be supervising her in the afternoons. I’m quite frankly not yet sure how we will be paying for this, but the Lord provides… Things have been heavy for her anxiety wise (due to some bullying issues at school), but now that she is happily aware of her schedule changes, we hope she can focus on progressing in math and regain control of her anxiety issues.
I have had some stomach pains and though not really bad they continue to roam, so I saw a doctor who couldn’t diagnose me, but wants to run a colon cancer test. Praying for a negative result on that one!! The mere thought of me getting cancer at this point is devastating so I’m praying… and praying…

But what I have learned this past week is that when I give myself over to God and openly ask Him to take over everything, I find strength to keep walking. A strength I know exists as I have walked in it before, but possibly never tapped into to this extend.

I become transparent and undisguised in front of Him, crying tons of “I’m way too stressed out to cope Lord”-tears and I demonstrate that I have no control at all – but I still declare His Glory!

We are still waiting for news about my husband’s work place.

My daughter’s schedule begins next week.

I get the test results next week.

Manifesto: I can stand because I’m the receiver of God’s strength.

A short word

“Why aren’t you on facebook anymore…!?!!” she looked at me entirely bewildered and in complete shock. That happened after she first had told me “I enjoy seeing your life on facebook!” and I somehow felt a strange, perhaps with a sting, need to inform her that my facebook account had been deactivated for something like 1 1/2 year. I tried to explain my reasons for quitting facebook, but each sentence was cut off half way as this eager person was trying to convince me that getting off facebook was weird and eye-rolling dumb. I ended up simply stating that “I got tired of it”. It was sufficiently short to be said without her cutting me off and yet sufficiently strong to shut her up.
This actually took place at the gathering immediately following my dad’s funeral, but in her defense, she is both a loving and caring family member, she simply just got totally bewildered that someone could get tired of facebook.

I returned back to Japan and began thinking about the conversations I had during last years reasonably difficult (read excruciatingly tough!) summer with friends and family. It was a mystery actually because most of them, though accepting my decision to get off facebook, all asked about it.
I could of course continue with “that’s how much facebook fills our lives”, but I’m not going there…

Instead I decided to heed their requests to open a brand new facebook account in my native Danish and limited to only my friends and family back home… (okay, with so far 1 exception). It’s entirely in Danish and I can’t say that I regret it so much (because I’m really rarely on), but at the same time, I’m kind of chuckling up inside as – now that I sit here a year later looking at that facebook account, the likes and comments that come in are always from the same 1-4 people and those who spoke the loudest last year, are the same people I literally do not get any kind of reactions from. Huh…

I gotta admit – that’s funny! Curiously funny.

 
Recently I have found it difficult to blog. I have plenty I want to talk about and share with you and of course, all related to how the Lord has literally worked wonders in my life. I began wondering if I had writers block, but I don’t think so as I just wrote something very short about my facebook laughs/thoughts.
Perhaps I just need to take time out… to blog. Get my thoughts on electronic paper.

Until next time!
In Jesus

Lovely Blog Award

I was nominated for this award by In the Desert with Jesus written by Joel who is simply one amazing guy! If you have read his blog you already know that though… 😉
I both proudly and humbly accept this award. Sounds confusing? I’m just very proud that Joel thinks my blog is worthy of an award and at the same time, I’m humbled that the Lord pointed to my blog through Joel…

I’m supposed to display the rules of this award, so here goes:

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Thank the lovely person who nominated your blog and follow them. YES FOLLOW me… actually even better: Follow Jesus!

Display the award logo and add this set of rules to your post so that your nominees will know what to do (sounds sensible, right?)

Nominate 15 other lovely blogs listing them in your post and notifying them via a link in one of their blog posts (or as I chose – link to their blog while listing them).

List 7 interesting facts about yourself to the post (not really sure what would count as “interesting” but I’ll give it a go)

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Okay… There are so many blogs out there and I read here and there and am “wow’ed” by the writing skills of all these great bloggers, so choosing just 15 is like picking out my favorite ice cream at cold stone creamery… almost impossible, but here goes:

These are my nominees:

Pastor Jim Bell’s jottings – Pastor Jim recently passed away and will be accepting the award while resting in the arms of Jesus. But I choose to nominate the blog anyway, because Jim had a lot to say about a lot of things and his blog lives on even though Jim isn’t with us anymore.

The lamb’s servant Sue lives in Jordan and her blog is like a journey into the ancient Hebrew scriptures. She captured my heart long ago… I hope she might capture yours too.

Julian for Jesus Julian stole my heart – in a sense – when he wrote a post for my sideblog “Song of Virginity”. His blog is just simply awesome and it’s ALL about Jesus!

Run the race Heather is an amazing writer who really gets the point across. Pay her a visit!

P356 – faith and life in action This is simply a lovely blog!

ThoughtCascade blog Simply unavoidable!

Rina Rose You just can’t help falling in love with this girl!

Jeffrey H King Explore the world of faith… go get it!

Cross of Christ From Tanzania… it simply doesn’t get more authentic than this!

Learning to be full of Grace and Truth A true and honest follower of our Lord Jesus.

Minus the cynic This is one of the bloggers I really want to invite over to Song of Virginity for a guest post… oops, guess the “secret” is out…

The Progressive Christian blog Sharp and opinionated with that lovely touch of good sensible Christian faith and respectful words – stay tuned and you’ll stay sharp too 😉

Eddaz Really – Never a dull moment here!

Francis and Anna Quite possibly the cutest couple ever!

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7 Interesting facts about me:

I love blogging because it’s my opportunity to share the love I own from Jesus. He’s mine and I’m His and nothing will ever change that.

Those incredibly popular “adult coloring books” which are supposedly therapeutic and relaxing? They drive me nuts!! I tossed them… they stress me out.

Stress has been a part of my life since childhood, though I only began realizing that a few years back. The struggles with mental health has been a constant companion and at times I take a serious dive bordering depression. But my help comes from the Lord and though the evil one in this world can hold me down, I know he can’t keep me there when I cry out to Jesus. Albeit, it can take a while for me to find my voice inside.

I used to be a DJ – a disc-jockey on the local radio station – back in the days when vinyl and record players were in existence. Today they might be known as “antiques”… It was a hilariously fun time of my life and though it’s all in the past (including the vinyl!), I still have a huge love for music and dance.

I’m a painter. I never took a painting class or art class apart from my elementary school years. I paint for His glory alone and I love to paint symbols of God’s love for His people. I’m currently working on a big “sofa piece” which has taken me 2 years – give or take – so far, but is finally coming together.

I’m definitely an entrepreneur. I’m good at starting things up and getting them going… My side blog Song of Virginity is a good example of that. I share my past experiences which surely aren’t always pretty and I’m always on the lookout for those willing to share about the subject of virginity, sex and life as a single Christian, in the hope of reaching the younger generations. And that was how I met Joel who wrote this incredible post The pursuit on Song of Virginity!

Growing up my family always went to the north for vacation times. So even though I live in Japan, my heart holds the mountains of Norway, the forests of Sweden and the fields of Denmark very very dear. I miss the climate immensely, especially during the Japanese hot summer and humid fall seasons. However, we have IKEA over here and that takes most of the sting out ;-)… and of course Yokohama harbor area is my go-to place when I get homesick. It’s not too different from Copenhagen harbor.

 

 

New post|”What if..”

It takes more than physical attraction to make a marriage work! 
– Maybe if we had been on the same page and both known Jesus 
– Had we taken time out to actually talk & support each other 
– Maybe, if there had been more between us than our naked skin

What if…

Jump over to Song of Virginity and read the new post “What if…“

 

Making way

My last post addressed dyscalculia. This post is about anxiety. 

The other night my daughter had a nightmare. It’s not particularly unusual to have nightmares, but this one was rather intense. She dreamt that her Japanese teacher in school pulled her out of class when she didn’t get any of the hiragana (Japanese alphabet) right, took her to the cafeteria and told her she would get an ice cream. Then the teacher pulled a knife and stabbed my daughter in the heart and she fell down in a pool of blood. 😱

Nightmares tend to be made up from a vast variety of components but this girl of mine can’t watch violence without getting scared. She doesn’t even want to watch narnia. 

She was frazzled but I took her to school and dropped her off at the counsellors office. But 15 min later the counselor called and I had to pick my girl up. She couldn’t cope with school that day. It was fine of course – I had a feeling it would happen. She is still incredibly afraid of her Japanese teacher as well as the Japanese language. 

To get her to school the next day I told her she wouldn’t have Japanese. I would talk to the principal and I would pick her up early. She reluctantly agreed. As a parent I really don’t have the authority to do that… But by picking her up early I could remove the Japanese class from schedule and delete the anxiety for the day. 

Now – the principal of this school is one amazingly wonderful and clever woman of God! Since we can’t just pull any kid out of any class… Can you imagine the chaos?… My girl still needs to be in the classroom during Japanese class, but she will do something other than Japanese. 😮 I don’t know about you, but I think that’s pretty “wow”! 

Before you have the thought “overprotective moms!” Let me just assure you that my girl have had her fair share of bad experiences with Japanese language as well as teachers. Last year she was pulled out entirely of Japanese class because her anxiety spiked. 

I’m so grateful to this school. They truly do live out what Gods book tells us to do; love one another! 

I still want my daughter to learn Japanese so I took on a role I’m not actually allowed to according to the psychologist; to be her teacher. But we fooled around with a rainbow colored pencil learning the Japanese sound/hiragana “あ” (short sound a) and the “word of the week”: asa. Which means morning. 

It was fun and she ended up grading my あ… With an F!! Unbelievable. 

Way off topic

This post has a content I don’t usually write about…

This post isn’t about Jesus – though He certainly is a part of the healing process.

This post is about awareness of a condition known as “DYSCALCULIA” and the effects it is likely to have on children in and outside of school. 

 

 

It’s not just about math and not understanding numbers though that is always the main focus. This is about how dyscalculia flows into all areas of a child’s life, how it can create anxiety issues and social issues and the feeling of never being good enough… to even simply “cope”.

How a child with dyscalculia will feel too “shy” to trust her/himself enough to go buy a small thing in a shop simply because the concepts of numbers/money are off.

 

This article is from a website called UNDERSTOOD.org and this particular article addresses most of the issues that my daughter struggles with in daily life – despite not yet having reached her tween years. 

I urge you to click the link and give yourself a chance to understand that dyscalculia is a big deal – and if not found and tested in the early stages it will likely affect a child throughout life and not just in school related situations.

Dyscalculia isn’t as known as dyslexia. Perhaps because the school system places a lot of emphasis on the language arts – but more and more kids will experience dyscalculia in years to come, though I have no way of backing up that statement, I urge any parent – AND school system – to pay close attention.

Thank you.

Defining Moment

When Julian asked me to write a guest post for his blog, I felt honored. He is an awesome blogger… but I  couldn’t imagine what subject to write on and when I asked him, he said: A defining moment. It took me very little time to decide which defining moment;

The moment when the Lord wrote His name on my heart, 1 1/2 year after I became a believer…

Jump on over to Julian’s blog and have a read: Defining Moment

And if you like his blog, you should definitely check out his guest post on my side-blog “Song of Virginity”: Real Men

Thanks

Scenic Japan

We had some short trips around the Kanto region this summer. I took some photos trying to catch the scenic beauty and atmosphere of Japan. For your enjoyment: 

From Hakone mountain area (Mt. Fuji): 

From the city of Yokohama – downtown area:

From Chiba prefecture. Across the bay from Tokyo: 

Wine

It took me many years, but I finally get it. 

I’m ashamed. Sad.

“Hello, my name is Lene and my mom was an alcoholic”. I’m not. I can’t even stand the smell of beer – or blood – … for good reason.

I never before understood why she drank. Sure, have a nightcap or a glass now and then. But she drank daily and… now I understand.

The other day I took a glass of white wine. I don’t normally drink… The past week has been a really bad week. So I turned on the tv and had my glass of wine. I don’t know what I thought it would do, but Jesus opened up my eyes to something.

It tasted fine. Actually very nice.

I found relief in the bottom of that glass. The pain of my heart – the overwhelming overtaking pain of helplessness went away and I actually laughed at something ridiculous on the tv.

Alcohol numbs the senses.

It made me “not care” so much. It was such a relief.

It wore off and I felt ashamed.

Not that I had taken a glass of wine. But that it had taken me so many years to figure out why my mom kept drinking. Daily. Too much. And paid the highest price possible: Her life.

When she drank she didn’t care so much. She didn’t feel the hurt and pain inside her or around her.

I finally understand.

The only reason why I’m sharing this with you, my fellow bloggers, is because I want to tell you – whisper in your ears – that I’m not an alcoholic and I won’t ever be. But now I understand why people, especially the sensitive types, feels such a need to “drown the sorrows in the bottle”.

But it leads… no place good. 

I’m thankful I know Jesus and the tug in my heart will prevent me from drowning my sadness.

 

The story of my mom can be found here : How my mom passed away

 

 

 

The hidden part of grief

Okay, maybe it’s not so much hidden as it’s me just now realizing it… 

Sometimes a year seems like a very long time. Sometimes it just flies by. The past year has done both.
When I think of my daughter’s anxiety, depression, psychiatrist, psychologist, counseling, medication, fears and experiences, the year has passed by like a snail on the German autobahn!

But when I think of my dad and last summers long hard walk from hospital to hospice, watching him in agonizing pain despite extremely high dosages of morphine, to the phone call the morning of august 16th that it was over, to the funeral and the immediate grief that takes a hold of the heart when loosing a loved one – this past year has flown by faster than a Star Trek warp drive!

It feels like it was just the other day that my brother and I went with the pine tree coffin, because dad loved nature so much and I simply couldn’t imagine him in the usual white one. We selected a natural stone and picked the duck, the fish and the stag for decorations on the stone for his burial site.

 

The grief has come in tidal waves. Some weeks were a lot harder than others. But after a year; grief is still here. I don’t believe we ever get over the loss of a loved on. But in time we learn to live with them being gone. I’m still learning. Every day it gets a teeny tiny bit easier.

There are different kinds of grief. We grieve when losing a loved one, but we also grieve when we learn that our child has anxieties/depression or some other debilitating issue.

That is a devastating grief too and anyone who has lived it, will know it.

I have help from above because I know Jesus is with me. But being a believer does not by any means except anyone from experiencing pain, sorrow, grief and sadness. Jesus experienced all of that too, so that we could have a high priest who understands our weaknesses.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (NLT)
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Grief isn’t an illness. It’s a condition of the heart in which weakness is present for the time it takes to process the grief. 

A weakness I can’t handle without the Lord’s help and here’s why: This past year has taught me that grief leaves me vulnerable to temptations, fear, anger, irritability, indulging etc. In other words; It leaves me weak. In the natural process of grieving, I actually sin or do/feel things that can lead to sin.

No’b, I’m not proud of it… But I now understand that Jesus indeed knows every one of my weaknesses. So I can come boldly before His throne and find Grace to help me when I need it the most and that is the light in the middle of dark grief.