Gifted

Pretty paper-wrapped or boxed presents… with fancy bows and shining colors. No’b, not that kind of gift.

The thought in my head: Gifted people. 

Some are gifted. Born that way. They may struggle in other areas of life, but if you wish to read the encyclopedia at age 6, I’m betting you’re gifted in one way or another… But no, I’m not talking about that type of gifted either.

cloud_question-100681906-primary.idge

If you are one of those who can see the rainbow beyond the cloud, then you are gifted with a stellar faith I’m downright envious of! 

I’m a doubter. From early childhood or as far back as I can remember, I have been drinking deep of a cocktail known as “Trust Doubt” or the liquor called “Prove It”. Occasionally both and undiluted.

When I can’t see a so-called “silver lining” to circumstances or somehow put reason behind things about to happen, I look for God and want Him to prove to me that He is still good. But I doubt Him.

When my child is in bed at night crying salty tears, telling me she hates life, I seriously wonder where Jesus is, because in those moments – I sincerely look and cry out to Him but I do not find Him. Every time she utters those words in one way or another, a part of me dies. Broken-heart-two-part-heart-wallpaper

Unless you have walked a mile in my shoes, you have no clue what it feels like! 

I still have my faith. I can’t really get fiercely angry with Jesus if I don’t believe He exists. So that’s that.

I’m not gifted. I wish I could see the rainbow beyond the cloud.

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18 thoughts on “Gifted

    1. I know… but I don’t know. Crazy thinking but it’s really hard d to stay focused in the midst of one adversity after another. My hearts know. My mind can’t always grasp it. Not making much sense 😂 but I love Him and I love you. Thanks for your love.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Be strong and courageous… my son used to have those outbursts once in a while… as a parent nothing could probably be more upsetting… but I think even this will pass… keep praying and we’ll be doing the same…. what other choice do we have after all…

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  2. Through our tears God’s light bends for a time. We can’t see clearly until the storm breaks and the colors are revealed. All our tears refracted back in the colors of the rainbow…he is present in every droplet.

    I understand your storm.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. I understand the depth of frustration and even dispair. I don’t understand the why of it. I can only trust that God has his purpose for allowing it.
        I get angry at times and let God know (happened last week). He didn’t change things but I did get a brief glimpse of a rainbow – a moment to refresh my soul. I wish I could offer you wisdom and a way for change…but I’ve not found it, only glimpses of rainbows to continue this journey and assurance that God is.
        I will pray.

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