Lord, I messed up your child!

All a mom want is the best for her child and absolutely NO mom sees her child for the first time and thinks “oh sweet baby, in 9 years you’ll be on prozac!“..01_09234317_504a2d_2733336a.jpg.

There is possibly nothing more painful for a mom, than to watch her child struggle and being in pain. My kid has anxiety and depression issues and it’s like walking through a maze trying desperately to find a way out! You have to keep moving and yet you feel stuck. Just when you think you found a way that leads toward the exit, you find yourself at a dead end. Again.

Before you get the idea that this is a whiny pity-party post, allow me just a paragraph of mercy before I reveal what the Lord did…

I burdened myself with a “good mom/bad mom” thinking routine. Ahem… Okay, mainly “bad mom” and let’s face it: The world out there can be pretty d* mean telling moms when they are bad moms!…
I can’t count the times I have prayed to the Lord using the words “I’m so sorry Lord – I completely messed up your child!” Why can’t I get it right? Why do I mess her up like this? Why does she have to struggle like this? Why are “everyone else’s” kids perfect?… (they are not, but it often looks that way from the outside).good_mom_bad_mom-253x300.png

Then I read a few pages in a relatively known author’s book, giving an account of her experiences with motherhood – and it hit me: She makes just about the exact same mistakes as me (only this one actually opens up and talks about it – freely!). Her kids are fine. Mine isn’t.
Just maybe my child’s struggles aren’t my fault – I thought and continued reading more pages in this book and gleaned from her daily prayer of receiving Gods portion for the day.in-the-morning-when-i-rise-give-me-jesus-kitchen-coffee-espresso-jeremy-camp-song-lyrics-religious-god-spiritual-church_6944136.jpeg


Next morning I gathered my warm blanket, got my coffee, my devotional and focused all my thoughts on Yahweh… asking Him for my portion for this day.
We had a cozy coffee morning together – Jesus and I.
It’s a really good thing He isn’t picky when it comes to coffee! 
I got on with my day… and everything went pretty smooth… And then He once again overwhelmed me!


It’s as if Yahweh refuses to leave me to my own devices for even a day. I wouldn’t want Him to… but since I broke down and longingly wanting to TOUCH THE SCROLL, He hasn’t left my side! Continually pouring into me and showering me with His power.
– Yes, power – I didn’t write Blessing for though it is a Blessing, being in such closeness to Yahweh is extremely powerful stuff. (if you want to read the post:  “Touch the scroll”)

It’s unusual for me to read the Bible mid-day, but I didn’t get yanked away for a to-do list: I took my Bible and opened at a “random” page (there’s nothing random about the Lord) and read onwards from Isaiah 43 and while reading through the first 10 verses, I simply cried…
Just humbly cried because He is so REAL, so POWERFUL and so WITH ME.

I know, I know: A stressed out mom cries easily… but that was just it: I wasn’t stressed out! – I had prayed for my portion and everything had gone smoothly all day!… I was relaxed and in a good place emotionally, physically and – I thought – spiritually!

Yahweh WILL tear down the hedges of the maze, when He deems the time has come.
I forget that. A lot. But Yahweh won’t allow me to. Again.

Isaiah 43:1 “Fear not for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine”.
Isaiah 44:3 “I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring and my blessing on your descendants”.

I read and re-read Isaiah 43 and 44 several times today and my Bible remains open on those pages. I can’t bring myself to close the book!


59 thoughts on “Lord, I messed up your child!

  1. I think too many times we are quick to blame ourselves for things that are out of our control. I’m 43. The chemicals and toxins that my generation was exposed to HAD to have some effect on us. I’m Bi-Polar and suffer from Depression. This isn’t my fault nor can I blame God for this. I believe that many of these issues stem from environmental factors.

    Stay strong and remember they’re not your footprints in the sand,



  2. Pingback: What Do You Think? – The Apocrypha – inthedesertwithjesus

  3. Oh! I’ve just realised I may have commented twice! If I have I’m so sorry! I wrote it all out the first time and then when I went to post it seemed to just disappear and I though I’d lost everything I’d written! Just proving my commitment to what I had to say…!!


  4. Hey, love and blessings to you sister! I had to comment because when you mentioned your daughter it resonated with me and I thought I would share my story with you in case it is of any benefit.

    As a child I was (still am) incredibly sensitive. I was brought up in a Christian family and gave my life to Jesus at a young age. However, I used to hear voices very clearly in my head, trying to silence and condemn me. I was incredibly visual and would imagine insects and witches etc in my house and bedroom, trying to overwhelm me. There was a shop in town that was very new age/occult and I felt physically sick and dizzy when I walked in there once. And I could sense things about people that weren’t good, even if I couldn’t put into words exactly what I felt. However, my discernment (as I have now learned it is) always proved to be right about those people when things began to be revealed about their hidden lives.

    By the age of about 12 I was incredibly anxious and depressed. I used to think about suicide, I was fearful and insecure etc etc. I didn’t feel there was anyone who could understand me. No one seemed to experience things the way I did.

    Over the years, and by the sheer grace of God, I have learned to recognise a lot of what I felt as being rooted in an intense spiritual sensitivity and discernment. About the same time that things started getting bad, God also gave me the gift of tongues and a desire to go to prayer meetings even on top of church meetings. Had I recognised at the time the powerful keys God was giving me, I would have saved myself a lot of mental health issues in the years to come! He has also given me a gift of worship which has served to lift me out of the heaviness and darkness I feel sometimes.

    I would encourage your daughter to pray, in tongues if she can (or to ask Papa for the gift if she can’t) and to sing, or do anything expressive that will help her to connect with and express her heart i.e. not following a set list of what to do or say but release who she is inside.

    I would also encourage her that anxiety and depression are not a part of who she is. They are more likely a response to things she is picking up on spiritually and doesn’t know how to deal with. Help her to talk about her day and what she perceived about other people. I was always afraid that I was being judgmental when actually God had given me discernment to protect me and also to show me how to intercede for people. My fears of being judgmental made it impossible for me to communicate what I was feeling and receive support.

    I believe God is raising up a generation to face a time unlike we have seen before and as such He is teaching them deep levels of sensitivity to His Spirit because this will be paramount for righteousness, for true intercession and to see breakthrough in the days to come. I know I don’t know your daughter but I would hazard a guess she is a powerful intercessory warrior in the making. And worshipper. Intimacy is the privilege of sensitivity.

    If this resonates at all then pray it through for application.

    Bless you xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment. I really appreciate you sharing your story and yes, it deeply resonates with me… and I will be praying about this. As a mom, I often have to learn as I go because two days are never the same. But I think you are right – her anxiety is more of a response to the injustice and unrighteousness she sees and not really a part of her. Amen! Your words are like pure wisdom to my heart… wow… Yahweh speaks. Bless you back.


    2. I also totally identify with this comment. As I was also born very sensitive to spiritual things, I have to be careful of “input” (social media, news, movies etc.) Something that may not bother someone else can be overload for me. But, as was stated this has another side because you are also sensitive to the good and to Jesus most of all. It can be a wonderful gift which often helps you minister help to others, but most folks with these leadings often have a very tough time in their youth learning how to use and safeguard this sensitivity. I know I went through hell!
      I suspect that rather than you being a “bad mother” (which the enemy loves to tell us) it’s the fact that your daughter is one of God’s children in a very negative, antichrist world.and if she is being attacked by depression etc. it’s because of her potential.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The comfort and power of God’s word is so wonderful. May God’s hand be on your daughter and you. One of my granddaughters has OCD. She is 19 now and started getting better at 16-17 yrs. old. She still has a few problems, but they are small compared to how she suffered as a child. I pray your daughter will feel better as she ages.


    1. Thank you so much. Kids all over the world struggle a lot with mental stuff, whatever abbreviation we can put on. It’s so sad… But Yahweh is faithful and won’t let us go.
      Many Blessings.


  6. I love this friend. I know you are an incredible mom 🙂 I just love the powerful, overwhelming moment you had there with Jesus midday, that’s awesome. I want to live in that ALL day every day, beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We do Hanukkah but not in the full out tradition most orthodox Jews do. You get a menorah, light the shamash candle (the helper candle) and each night you light one extra candle from right to left. So the first night you light the shams then use the shamsh candle to light the furthest most right candle. The second night you light the shamash candle and then use it to light the two rightmost candles. And keep adding one candle each night for 8 nights. We do it at dusk so that we aren’t using the light to do tasks like reading but we still have rhe room illuminated by the candle light. We read some of the story of Hanukkah, so you’ll have to break out your Septuagint or a Catholic bible and go to 1 Maccabees 4. Read the chapter for background, the story is verses 36-61. Some people give gifts each night, we don’t.

        Afterward, it’s time to play dreidel and eat latkes. Latkes are SOOO goooood!!! 🙂 that’s what we do!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Mmm… I can do that. Got the Menorah already ;-)… Can possibly find the Maccabees on Biblegateway
        ;-). Would definitely need a great recipe for the latkes though!! You seriously eat latkes for 8 nights??

        – But here’s a question for you:
        Why, do you think, are those books not in the protestant bibles, if it (as it would seem) was something that Jesus would be celebrating..?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No we don’t eat latkes every night of the week. I can’t get my sweet wife to do that one! And we don’t play dreidel every night either…we’re pretty laid back about it, especially with our kiddos being so little. Attention spans are short sometimes 😉

        You can get the Apocrypha on Biblegateway. So that’s a good place to start.

        We’re opening up a pretty big discussion here my friend with the Apocrypha vs the protestant Bible. Here’s a good starting point: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_apocrypha#Apocrypha_in_editions_of_the_Bible and here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1_Maccabees#Transmission.2C_language_and_author and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_apocrypha#Vulgate_prologues

        Here’s a high level question that is up for discussion (I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you think): why would the Spirit allow certain books to be read by the church for 1.5 millennia, then divide what the church reads such that part of the church reads the protestant Bible (no apocrypha) and the other part reads the Catholic Bible (apocrypha included). I struggle with this high level question…why would God do that? To me, it almost makes more sense to include the apocrypha. But, I do not read it as Scripture…yet. This is a research area for me.

        What do you think?


      4. Wow – thanks for the links… please give me some time here. It’s pretty heavy stuff.
        So… Hanukkah begins this year on December 25th? and goes on for 8 days… So do you eat the latkes on the 8th day or on the 1st?
        Would it be… hm… possible… in your opinion… to merge Hanukkah and Christmas – both celebrating “the/a festival of light”?

        Liked by 1 person

      5. We eat latkes whenever I can convince my wife to make them haha! No set day.

        We don’t combine, but I think as long as you are being guided by the Spirit in what you do there it’s good. Ask him and see what he says!

        Yes let me know what you think on the apocrypha!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. The Apocrypha… goodness I would really love this to be simple! It’s not… I get that. In all basics I think it’s way above my understanding. As a rule of thumb I would simply say that if it was a part of the original scripture (though that can be difficult to determine), then it’s God breathed and should be included. However, I understand why reproof is sorely needed as humans tend to jot stuff down and wanting people to follow… hmm… I don’t know. All I know is that Yahweh warns us against following anyone else, so… I really wish things would be way more black and white!!

        Liked by 1 person

      7. That’s where I’m at. So I think a lot of believers can agree that the 7 churches in revelation are a progression of the church throughout history. If that’s true, I would love to hear someone explain to me why the Holy Spirit would allow for the Bible to have certain books for some of those churches but not all of them. John 1 says Jesus is the Word, so if the apocrypha is the Word, and therefore is Jesus, why would he only reveal part of himself to part of the church and then not to us protestants. Makes no sense. OR, if those books truly aren’t Scripture, how in the world did Satan or human folly override the Spirit and get those books canonized for 1500 years?? I just don’t think those are realistic scenarios, am I right or am I missing something here?


      8. But at the same time I fear God, I have reverance for him, and I don’t want to incorporate books that I am not comfortable with. And if I’m honest, at this point I’m not comfortable with them. But that doesn’t mean that I’m right here by not including them.


      9. This Lene is another great example, in addition to the purity in dating example I had on the indifference post, where it’s gray. Like we can be a great logical argument, which we just did, for why we should as protestants include the apocryphal again. But our church would really frown upon that! Right? But then there would be other arguments that would be logical as well, perhaps, to say why the apocrypha should not be included. It’s gray. And I’m stuck lol


      10. I’ll check it out!

        Whoa, that was deep friend. What do you mean do you think if he actually wants us to have peace about it? I think you might be on to something there…


      11. Well…If you think about it, then I’m pretty sure we can quickly agree that Yahweh can’t be put in a box, though we humans ever so often tries to! And, He is FAR beyond human folly as well as Satan’s lunatic schemes! In other words: If God wants something, absolutely nothing can get in His way!!
        Which in turn means that the apocrypha was taken out either as the work or the Lord or allowed by Him. Let me ask you this – in Kingdom aspects (Our first love – Jesus – the Gospel) – does it make a difference whether someone had infant baptism and confirmation or a full immersion baptism?
        And how about Hanukkah? It’s not found in the protestant Bible and I don’t believe we are commanded to observe it as it’s a festival, not a sabbath (correct me if I’m wrong, I’m not an expert on these things), but in the Kingdom perspective, will it make a difference? I somehow think we can apply the somewhat same to the apocrypha: In light of the eternal Kingdom and what we are commanded to DO (e.g. as read in Revelation), how big a difference does it make?
        In essence, I think the Lord wants us to have peace with it having been taken out, because He either allowed or made it happen and our job is to Trust Him in all His ways and our focus should be on our first love – the Gospel. Are we committing a multitude of sins because we do not “obey” the apocrypha (if indeed there are commands in there)? Possibly… But Jesus paid the price for ALL sin for ALL sinners and we do not always know when we have sinned. Especially those new to the Bible.
        On the other hand, Did the Lord allow the apocrypha to be taken out so that an entire gigantic nation of people longing to study His word on their own, happened? This nation known as “protestants” – who study, read and longs to personally get closer to the Lord with every breath?
        Furthermore, I think it’s interesting to just touch on the subject of how the Lord works differently in different people: Some people truly need something to look at when they pray. Others are fine praying while following the birds in the air with their eyes. The Bible constantly warns us against following false teachers. Just possibly the Lord wants His own to read His word on their own, so that they can Hear His Voice (as opposed to any theological well spoken guy dressed up on Sundays – though there are many good ones who can serve as inspiration, but only YOU can hear the Lord’s words for you! )
        Either way my friend – I truly think the Lord simply wants us to have peace with it and follow the scripture we have been given.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Ok, let’s do this! First question, on baptism I think the most important thing is that a person is baptized with the Spirit and when they are baptized in water, that it comes after they have made a choice to repent of their sins and follow Jesus the rest of their lives. As far as infants go, I know the Spirit is in some children from a very young age (I see him in mine), so I’m good with an infant baptism. Also immersion is cool too. Honestly, when it comes to these things, I’m very libertarian. Basically, the question I want answered is, does the person wholeheartedly love Jesus and are they filled with the Holy Spirit. If yes, then any baptism I think would do. But that’s my opinion, might not be Jesus’ and if it’s not, may he correct me in his wisdom!

        You make a good point on Hanukkah. It’s not in the Protestant Bible, it is in the Catholic Bible (to a degree). I don’t know. I agree, it’s not a commanded festival, like the sabbath. I think it’s much more important for us to take our weekly sabbath than to celebrate Hannukah.

        ‘In essence, I think the Lord wants us to have peace with it having been taken out…’ Ok my friend, it finally happened. We might mildly disagree on something, for the first time 😉 Kidding aside, I struggled with this paragraph. Because, it’s not that he took it out (the apocrypha) for all of his followers, but for part of his followers. I guess this in turn asks the question, do you believe Catholics today and for the last ~400 years are Christians? To that I would answer yes, as long as they believe Jesus is the Son, come in the flesh, have repented of their sin and live their lives following Jesus. Now, for the record, I disagree with some of the Catholic theology and practices, like some stuff on Mary for example and purgatory (I doubt I’ll ever get that one). But I think there are a lot of very good children of God who also happen to be catholic. That being said, why, if that’s true, did the Spirit decide to allow a group of his children on earth today to read the Bible plus other canonized works that are his Word and the other group of his children read a smaller list of works that are his Word? I agree with your top level logic though, he can do what he wants here. It’s Romans 9, he can choose to do with us as he pleases, I just really want to know why! haha!

        On having peace about it…was that what you meant when I asked about your original statement whether he even does want us to have peace about these things? Because the deeper I get into this, and many of the same “gray” areas we’ve talked about, the less peace I have from a definite standpoint. I really get to a point where I’m like, ok, I need to make a choice here and go with it and believe that this is what Jesus would desire of me here. And that be that and have faith in him the rest of the way until he tells me I messed up! Or got it right.

        You might be right though…who knows why that might have been removed. Maybe he pulled it for that reason, maybe those books were part of his Word and he pulled them because for some reason they were incompatible with ministry to certain peoples and nations? I don’t know, I’m just guessing now. Too bad, because I really would love an answer here! I just want to know as best as I can 🙂

        I completely agree with what you said about how he talks to different people in different ways. He does! It’s true. And regardless of how motivational the person on stage is, or preaching in the headphones or on Youtube or the book we’re reading or the meme we comment on, only you can hear Jesus’ words for you.

        Maybe, you’re right here. I agree, he wants us to have peace here. I still wonder though if he has more answers the deeper we look. I really think maybe so, emphasis on the maybe. But then again, maybe not. It’s a tough one. The thing is, I don’t have enough confidence to make the choice and say that the apocrypha is Scripture to me. But on the flip side I don’t have enough evidence and peace about it yet to write it off completely. For me, I think this one stays in the gray-zone for a little while longer.

        Whew, good conversation! Love it when we sharpen each other like this! 🙂 Let me know what you think or if you have some feedback on this.


      13. Goodness, you write long comments 😉 – I hope you have your coffee 😉
        – No, seriously – I think it’s a great albeit immensely huge subject and we won’t be able to dig deeper unless we sit down and read the apocrypha ourselves. Is it entirely, partly or mainly historical documents or do they contain commands from the Lord? I’ll be honest: I’m not gonna read through it…

        I’m not actually sure we disagree at all. What I meant when I said “I think the Lord wants us to have peace about it having been taken out” I simply meant: We should have peace because either the Lord made it happen or He allowed it. Knowing that He was behind it (one way or another) is enough for me to feel at peace with the fact that it was done and I think that you agree here?
        The WHY… is a bigger question and personally I think Yahweh loves it when we ask why and want to know more… Having a curious mind is a wonderful thing.

        As far as the baptism and Hanukkah goes I completely agree with you.

        Are Catholics truly saved Christians? I truly believe that some are and some are not. There is no way I can ever become a Catholic though because, just like you, there are so many things I’m very uncomfortable with in the Catholic church.

        Let’s look away from the apocrypha and turn our eyes toward church history… Exactly what happened during those some 1.500 years? How did His church develop? According to His will or did “man” take over and put God in a box?
        Could the answer possibly be found in the history of the church before diving into the apocrypha?

        If we read our Bible cover to cover we have an incredible history of rebellion against the Lord… Is it possible that it happened again during those first thousand+ years? And what would God’s response have been?
        For some reason during our conversation here, my mind have often wandered towards the tower of Babel…

        Liked by 1 person

      14. I’m curious, why Babel?

        So, this was actually last night, no coffee. I’m on my third cup today though 😉

        Maybe you’re right on the top level there…We can assume A) the Spirit controls what goes in and out of the Word and B) any changes, additions/removals he makes is true. I get him taking and putting stuff in, doing whatever he wants. It’s when there are a number of believers on earth today who hold it as Scripture, but it’s not ok for me to read it? That’s what I can’t wrap my brain around. Why are some people in very similar walks of life in my country allowed to read some books as the Word while I am ‘forbidden?’ That’s the part that gets me.

        Ok, here’s a question and let’s just take this off the record so to say, I’m just thinking out loud and processing with you, I’m not saying any of this is true…is there anyway man could mess this up? And by that I mean is there anyway man could remove part of the Word, part that might not be extremely central to salvation through Jesus? That those books are truly part of his Word, but not to the point of being so critical that they had to be included in the Protestant Bible? How do you evaluate this sentence….there’s things that are more critical to our walk with Jesus in Matthew or Luke then in Ezra or Obadiah? I’m not elevating one book over another, but as far as relevant content for developing intimacy between Jesus and us as him being the Son of God come in the flesh to save us for my sins, we’ll probably get more substance in the part of the Word that directly talks about Jesus being on Earth rather than taking inferences and analogies from prophecies and history relevant to ancient Israel? Or is that totally untrue? I’ll be honest too, I almost felt blasphemous writing that, so that’s why I prefaced this with this as being off the record, not as any statement of truth, just us talking and theorizing about the mechanics of this. OR, maybe a better way to word it is to say, would the Spirit ever give man so much freedom that he would allow man to make revisions and changes, but that he would at the same time always protect a core of the Gospel message, even if man scrapped off other books? (from the prophets or wisdom lit?)

        How did our church develop in those 1500 years…well, I think it’s a mixed bag. Some of the best literature I have ever read of intimacy with Jesus comes out of that time frame (Mechtild of Magdeburg, John of the Cross, Jean Guyon – although she was 1600s). At the same time, there was little accountability, I believe, in the church. There were huge power struggles, many between the Holy Roman Empire (HRE) and the Vatican – eg the Avigon Papacy, I just finished reading a fictional book set in this time period actually – there were struggles of wealth. Many of the laity could not read, so the Word could not be read by many believers. It was a tough time, but at the same time. Much of this time is considered to be under the church of Thyatira and Jesus praises them for their love and their deeds and that they are doing more than they started off with doing (which I think says they progressed deeper into intimacy with God across that time period of the church). And not only that, but then Sardis, which would have been the Reformation church, Jesus said they were dead and needed to wake up.

        I might actually read it, just to flesh it out myself and see if I can take it out of my gray box. I’m not sure friend, I’m stuck here for now.


      15. Just skimming through them very fast, it would seem that there are inconsistencies as to what books are holy and what books are not.
        … What do you glean from this as I’m quite frankly a bit stuck.


      16. Why Babel you ask…
        At first I wasn’t sure, but actually – what happened with the tower of Babel very black/white – humans tried to reach God by building a tower. God got angry and bang: they all spoke a different language. God used it to spread His Word… you know the story.
        Back in 1600 in England the Catholics persecuted Protestants (literally burned them at the stake)… so they fled to Holland. Historically speaking though Holland was not a bad place for them, it sure was no picnic either – thus pilgrims (Protestant pilgrims) traveled across the ocean and the US was born (history boiled down to a sentence!). The US is a gigantic piece of land and God wanted to spread His word… By dividing His nation and even persecute one nation making life rather difficult, He managed to spread His Word across a pretty big ocean as well as a pretty big country. He has used persecution before, why not within His own nation, so to speak.
        In my limited human mind, it’s the only answer I can think of as to why He allowed His nation to be divided by taking out certain books.
        Perhaps He wanted more focus on the birth of His Son than on the festival of lights?? I don’t know friend… I really do not know.


      17. Hey I need prayer plz. We just had thanksgiving, we just stuffed ourselves and now there’s a stomach bug in the house. My son has thrown up like 8 times. My stomach feels bad. Ugh. Would you plz pray that God just takes this out of our house?


      18. Longest night of my life lol. Not that bad actually, but ugh… My wife said of me earlier, I’ve never heard anyone throw up that much at one time… :/ and now we’re all sick except our baby. But God is good 🙂 hope you’re having a good day. I saw on FB that you all had snow today? I’d love some snow here but none in the forecast.


      19. I’m so sorry friend… Trust me, I feel for you! But you are better now I can tell – you are able to check facebook as well as message me here. A good day of good rest. I’m sorry the whole family got it. A bug or something in the food? It’s hard to tell, but curios that it came right after feasting.
        My kid and I are heading for Yokohama today, Christmas shopping and an overnight stay 🙂 love love love me some Yokohama!! Fresh ocean air and harbor atmosphere. Plz ask the Lord to keep us healthy…! Thanks friend.

        Liked by 1 person

      20. I am better now! At least a little better. Oh gosh, our house has been an infirmary for the past day. My parents had to come over at 4am to help us. It was bad! I’ll write a post about it in the next few days.

        That sounds like so much fun!! Hope you two have fun in Yokohama! I just prayed for you two to stay healthy and have a wonderful time. I love Christmas shopping, so much fun! Hope you enjoy it!!

        Give me a day or so to get back to normal on here with our discussion. I’m out of it lol. I slept a lot of today and about to sleep again. We’re pretty sure it’s a stomach bug and not food poisoning. no one else got sick except us


      21. Take your time friend! Get better and get lots of 💤. Discussion can wait. I got some bad news yesterday morning and my mind and heart are in a dumpster looking up to see if we can catch wind if Jesus!!

        Liked by 1 person

      22. What I mean is – let’s look at the history first. Did the church establish a long line of bishops, arch bishops, cardinals and a pope and would Jesus have wanted that? A personal relationship directly with Him doesn’t have to go through a priest. i thoroughly believe that Jesus wanted all people to love each other. Sharing the gospel so more people would join and share the gospel in return… I do not believe the Lord wanted a church similar to a synagog (if it’s even possible to compare, I don’t know).

        I grew up in the 80’s when Northern Ireland were constantly fighting against each other – Catholic and Protestant. I learned back then that “Protestant” simply means “not Catholic”. It was perhaps a protest begun by some believers who actually read their Bibles… (I’m told most Catholics do not – they rely almost entirely on a priest). To me it makes a lot of sense for God in His might to divide the people the way He did.
        But obviously it’s always up to each individual.

        Now it’s me writing long comments… maybe it’s because I had my coffee already 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      23. First question…yes and no. I think he did wants some heirarchy in the church and that’s where Paul lists out heirarchal requirements in Timothy and Titus. I think some of them were good. Pope Celestine V might have been legit. Are they a go between for us and Jesus, heck no! I’m really libertarian in this area and anti authorial, but I’ll admit some of my feelings in this area need changing. God did want some submission to others in the church. I think if I were to fit anywhere into the different types of people in the church, I would probably fit somewhere as a teacher. I think people who are closer to the Truth, who study it diligently and know it inside out, who aspire to be Gandalf, not Aragorn, to take an analogy from LOTR, who want to be the wise old man, not the king, are submissive in areas of power, but when it comes to wisdom, as Jesus Christ is the Wisdom of God and knowing him in those ways, I find it very difficult to submit to anyone, because there’s a voice in the back of my head that says, You know better than they do. Why follow them? – and that’s some pride issues I have and deal with even today. That’s not Godly and I’m working on it. So I’m very anti authoritarian in a lot of ways, not all Godly. I don’t think Jesus wanted a Synagoge again either. I think he wanted a mentor relationship between those older in the church and those who are younger. I don’t think it was power based, but it was based along lines of wisdom. In that way, it levels the playing field. The spiritually old should teach the spiritually young. And in a normal world, spiritual age would coincide with physical age.

        So what do you think about that…because I don’t know too much about N Ireland and the Catholic vs Protestant struggle. Why do you think it makes sense for the Spirit to divide people like that? I have no visibility to that because I grew up in America and we just don’t have those divisions.

        Long comments rule friend! I’m really enjoying our conversation btw! 😉 Let’s keep this thing rolling!!


  7. Kate

    I feel your pain and struggle. I have one child been struggling w/anxiety and depression for close to 20 years. She is currently working to get off all meds and it is a struggle. Question I always asked besides what did we do wrong was what is the root of this? when did it enter in?
    thank you for sharing it does help to know we are not alone in this. To God be all the glory and we know we will get the victory.


    1. Thank you. Yes, it’s encouraging to know we are not alone in the battle of mothering a child with anxiety issues.
      What psychologists have told me is “forget the why!” – they do that so mothers won’t begin to blame themselves as that would be unhelpful for the child… I can’t disagree, but many still do blame themselves. What the Lord told me was that the portion He gives me daily when I ask Him to, is enough to get me and my child through the day and eventually through the maze… I do pray that the Lord will provide His portion for both you and your daughter today too. Remain blessed.


  8. Elizabeth

    I was SO blessed when I read your post this morning. I have three grown daughters and two of them suffer greatly with anxiety and recurring depression. I have cried out a million times, “What did I do? What could I have done differently?” And of course, the “why God?” cries of frustration. Thank you so much for reminding me that He has/is/will always BLESS my daughters, and be with them every step of their journey. I REALLY needed that reminder today.


    1. Thank you so much. I’m so blessed to know my words made a difference in your life today. Praying for “our daily portion” is a powerful prayer and I imagine it will be for both you and your daughters too. Remain Blessed Friend.


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