Loosing faith – finding YAHWEH!

Possibly my faith in YAHWEH has never felt stronger, but I think I’m loosing faith in people. In the body known as the church. The unity we are called to nurture, protect and lovesukkot.jpg
I have no idea how to write this… I’m so sad. Bear with me though – it has a happy ending.


The past weeks has been eye opening. Everywhere in the body I see fractions and the unity torn. From the communities I move in to the online world, I see love torn, lost, exhausted, stretched and twisted.
Love your neighbor as yourself is a command and a lifestyle.
I see a lot of empathy in the body, eyes full of compassion, offers of prayers etc. It’s all great expressions of love, but there’s little action.

What good is love, if it is not followed by action?
If love is present, but not shown?
If you can do more than pray, what stops you?

YAHWEH wants me to LOVE those He places in my path. It’s not up to me to choose whom I want to love. It’s not up to us if we call ourselves believers, followers of Christ or Christians (whatever the difference is) to pick and choose who “deserves” my love and attention. No!

24dd920aeb36e4084f92a75e5b2a34a8.jpg We are supposed to be known by our LOVE!

The healthy do not need a doctor, but they do need to be humble enough to pour out the Blessings the Lord has given them (does Boaz ring a bell?) – into those who are in need (how about Ruth?). Especially within His body. I’m very sorry if I step on toes now… but being a believer is not “just about witnessing to non-believers” (though that’s not a small task), but it’s also about being a part of a community that shares and loves and nurtures each other.
If we don’t do that, how can we be known for our love for one another?

I asked my Lord a while back if He would show me how He feels about this world He created. If what follows below is any indication, my YAHWEH is grieving:

It began with an email from a dear friend, Sue, who lives in Jordan. She had just returned from celebrating “Sukkot” in Jerusalem. It was the week before Halloween… and I have been wanting to find a celebration to replace Halloween with. Something YAHWEH would want me to celebrate. As I read Sue’s email about how they celebrate Sukkot “as a “picture” of events that are still to come: the “wedding feast” held for Messiah and His Bride, as well as “The 8th Day” which represents the inauguration of the Eternal Kingdom” and she told me about the various things they do.

Then I came to the 8th day celebration. Her description brought me to my knees, short of breath, in emotional pain and grief and my eyes literally flowed over with endless tears… This is an edited excerpt of her mail:

On the 8th Day, we begin by reading the last two chapters of Deuteronomy together.  Then, in a traditional service, there is a pause.  Everyone has a chance to go up and view the Torah Scroll (assuming the congregation has one), and ask questions, etc.  Because the scrolls are so delicate and expensive (many are also VERY old), normally only the ‘readers’ get to see or handle them, so it is a great delight to actually be able to view an opened scroll up close.  A Torah scroll is a truly beautiful thing, especially because it represents The Living Word, our Messiah Yeshua!  

After the viewing, the scroll is formally and ceremonially rolled back to its beginning position at Genesis 1 – not an easy process that takes at least two people!  Then the first Chapter of Genesis is read, beginning a new year of study in the Torah. The Torah scroll is carefully dressed in its cover, and then it is reverently but joyously passed from hand to hand in the congregation, while everyone dances and sings!  Gentiles passing in the street get pulled in to share the fun!  This is called Simchat Torah (The Joy of Torah).  It represents the way we will joyously celebrate with Messiah when He takes up His Throne!

As I was on the floor crying out to my Lord to stop this grief I was feeling, tears just kept flowing, my breathing was rapid, my prayers unceasing. It took about half hour for me to gather myself.
I know I have never before been overwhelmed by YAHWEH like that.
It’s crystal clear to me that what He asks me to celebrate is found in His Word.
And my mind kept going: I want to touch the scroll! Even thinking about it now makes me cry. Literally.
Love expressed – is love noticed! 
Expressing our love for God is to put a smile on His face when we celebrate the things He has given us in His Word to celebrate.
Expressing our love for each other is to put a smile on each others faces as we stand side by side, always welcoming newcomers in just as Jesus would.

23 thoughts on “Loosing faith – finding YAHWEH!

  1. Pingback: Lord, I messed up your child! – Wrestling with Faith – Dancing with Jesus

  2. Sue in Aqaba

    Oh Lene – You captured it!! “I WANT TO TOUCH THE SCROLL! . . . Expressing our love for God is to put a smile on His face when we celebrate the things He has given us in His Word to celebrate.
    Expressing our love for each other is to put a smile on each others faces as we stand side by side, always welcoming newcomers in just as Jesus would.” WOW!!!

    YES!!!! We ‘put a smile’ on our wonderful YAHWEH /Y’shua face by putting ‘a smile on the face’ of our brother. This is the heart of Torah, which is to say, this is the Heart of Messiah! Let’s ‘touch the Scroll’ together, dear sister! Let’s put smiles on each others’ faces, so that we can TOGETHER put a smile on His Wonderful Face!!

    Love you so much, Lene! Praying that we WILL meet in Jerusalem soon!!! (Perhaps Little One can stay with friends while Mom checks it out and gets guidance as to how to introduce Little one to the experience?)

    Encouragement: There is a wonderful promise for those ‘in captivity’ who turn their hearts to Jerusalem. Check out 2 Chronicles 30. When King Jeroboam convinced the Israelites to worship the idols he installed in Bethel and Dan, it divided the people and tore the nation apart – not to mention the greater problem of tearing the people away from obedient worship of YHVH on HIS terms. Hezekiah, King of Judah, wasn’t interested in building his own kingdom so much as he was interested in bringing the people back to YHVH – so he sent a letter inviting the Israelites to Jerusalem to celebrate Sukkot. In his letter, he wrote “For if you return to YHVH, YOUR BRETHREN and YOUR CHILDREN will be treated with compassion by those who lead them captive, so that they may come back to this land; for YHVH your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn His face from you if you return to Him.” (2 Chronicles 30:9) We claim that promise almost daily for our own families, who are truly captives of the enemy, caught in sin and the flesh. We believe that as we obey ALL of His Word and worship Him as well as we can according to His Word, He will honor this promise. May we all turn our hearts to obedience and true worship of the Living God and be SET FREE!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know what to say… I’m still so baffled by the experience. Thank you so much. If I capture anything then it’s because Abba speaks to me and through me, which is tremblingly humbling in itself. I’ll look into 2 Chronicles 30 – thank you!
      I love you so much Sue. I can’t wait to see you in Jordan and Jerusalem – because I just know that YAHWEH will take me there one day. ❤


  3. Now THIS, friend, is the experience of the Word I think I’d love to have. This is wonderful, what a great experience to have of him, the Word.

    I know it’s broken, it’s bad in the church. I felt some of this myself, both of on the neglect by others’ lack of love in the church (which stinks and it hurts) and then how I am selfish sometimes and really just not good at loving others. Yahweh is wonderful though at all times. Sue has a great blog btw! I bet it would be awesome to be there in Jersusalem to celebrate Sukkot. I wanna go!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There’s nothing better than to experience YAHWEH! I pray that you too will soon be overwhelmed by Him.
      We all fall short… non of us can love perfectly of course, but lately I have really felt a lot of, indifference maybe, to love in action and it grieves my heart. I bet you are great at loving others and especially when you have the extra energy it takes. When you need a little extra love (in action) you receive it back. I call that sharing God’s love… but recently, “Sharing God’s love” has become equal to “witnessing for Him” in my neighborhood and I think sharing was intended in a much broader perspective.
      Sue is amazing! Love her deeply! Love her blog!
      I wanna go to Jerusalem next year… I really really wanna go!! I don’t know if I can bring my girl though (social anxiety in a place like that might turn ugly) but somehow, I want to touch that scroll and celebrate Sukkot – and kick halloween out. Sukkot is what Yahweh wants His people to celebrate. It’s so crystal clear to me. I’m praying to learn how to celebrate Sukkot in Tokyo… That’s not an easy task, but He has the answers!
      Imagine celebrating Sukkot in Jerusalem together and with Sue too..?!? Feels crazy, but I’m loving it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Witnessing for him is just the beginning. It’s the part of love that motivates us to start the conversation, but it definitely does not encapsulate sharing God’s love. It’s part of it, but just a part, not the whole. Aw thanks friend, I try to love others. I’m not perfect at it by any means. I hope others don’t feel like I deprioritize them when I just don’t make contact for a couple days. I feel awful, but when I’m home with my family, I want to see their faces! It’s hard, I beat myself up over that part, that I just don’t have the time to really put in as much love for others as I do. But I make it a priority too as best as I can. It’s the second great commandment! Living it out! I do get that love back though 🙂 and that’s pretty awesome! Makes me smile! Have you struggled with indifference in your own heart with loving others or indifference in other believers toward loving you?

        Oh that would be so cool to be in Jerusalem for Sukkot! That sounds fun! If you can convince your daughter that would be super fun! But I understand the anxiety aspect of it as well. I’ll pray it somehow works out for you! I’ll plan to be there in the New Jerusalem for sure! That’s home. Oh gosh, it is going to be so beautiful there. I can’t wait to see the home that Jesus has been preparing for us since he left the disciples. Can you imagine it? And celebrating Sukkot there, and Christmas? Oh wow. It’s going to be incredible. And that definitely feels crazy, but it’s happening. It’s definitely happening one day in the New Jerusalem, home with Jesus. Maybe in a decade or so I might make it to the earthly Jerusalem, maybe on my way to Mount Ararat! 😉 we’ll see haha!

        Hope you’re having a great start to your week!!


      2. Sorry for my late response here… I have been thinking a great deal about your indifference question and I think maybe I will prefer to whip up a post about it.
        I can’t say that I feel/have felt particularly indifferent in my own heart, though of course it has happened. I sense it a lot in others, oftentimes covered up in “we don’t gossip” so we don’t act… and though gossip is not good, acting on what you can see isn’t bad. If there was one thing Jesus never was, it was indifferent! I’d love to just see more willingness to act instead of being afraid to be disobedient if you could actually do some good… I don’t know friend. But then again, I’m by far not your “average” conservative Christian… I’m a Jesus girl – belonging to Yahweh and tempted as all others… sinful as anyone and yet struggling to bend my will to His will at all times.
        Nobody said it would be easy.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Go for it friend! Whip that post up! Can’t wait to read it!

        I agree with you on the gossip part. I think the church either A) goes way overboard with being above reproach or B) doesn’t even care about it. Jesus was never indifferent, amen to that!

        You’re giving me some food for thought here to be honest. I agree and I think I struggle with willingness to act vs fear of being disobedient. It’s difficult and there are some areas where I have struggled with walking that line. I’m not sure I have an answer on that one entirely. But there is a passage in Ecclesiastes that comes to mind when I do dwell on this one (Ecc 7:16-18),

        Do not be overrighteous,
        neither be overwise—
        why destroy yourself?
        17 Do not be overwicked,
        and do not be a fool—
        why die before your time?
        18 It is good to grasp the one
        and not let go of the other.
        Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.

        So my friend, let’s start a conversation on this one…what do you do with that passage? How do you read that? I’ve walked in and walked out of gray areas in my life because of those verses at times.

        I’m definitely not your average conservative Christian either. But I think we can both see that in each other, probably why we enjoy discussing these things 😉 I’m in the same boat, fully Jesus’, but at the same time tempted and sinful as the rest and struggling to be fully redeemed into the glorification that he has prepared for me.

        It’s never easy, amen.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes…it seems action is lacking among those who profess to be Christian, at least here in the USA. Matthew 25 is all about doing. Somehow giving money for and praying for have become the action of choice by many – both necessary and appreciated though not hands on. Jesus was hands on and wants us to be hands on as well. Thank you for posting what God has revealed to you -a seed planted.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Very beautiful. I was just reading in the Psalms about dancing and singing to the Lord. I pictured myself and millions of others and many, may angels all singing and dancing before his throne. I’m looking forward to that.

    At my former church, the old people would keel over in a faint if they ever saw anyone dancing in joy about the Lord, and yet the Bible says it is good to do. They would have hated loud clashing cymbals too. Lol

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you ☺️ I appreciate your comment. I certainly feel much closer to the Lord when I dance through a worship song and I honestly believe Yahweh wants to see us joyful more than anything else 🎶. I’ll see you up there one day – I’ll be the one doing the crazy dance 💃🏻- ha ha!

      Liked by 2 people

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