It took me many years, but I finally get it. 
I’m ashamed. Sad.
“Hello, my name is Lene and my mom was an alcoholic”. I’m not. I can’t even stand the smell of beer – or blood – … for good reason.
I never before understood why she drank. Sure, have a nightcap or a glass now and then. But she drank daily and… now I understand.
The other day I took a glass of white wine. I don’t normally drink… The past week has been a really bad week. So I turned on the tv and had my glass of wine. I don’t know what I thought it would do, but Jesus opened up my eyes to something.
It tasted fine. Actually very nice.
I found relief in the bottom of that glass. The pain of my heart – the overwhelming overtaking pain of helplessness went away and I actually laughed at something ridiculous on the tv.
Alcohol numbs the senses.
It made me “not care” so much. It was such a relief.
It wore off and I felt ashamed.
Not that I had taken a glass of wine. But that it had taken me so many years to figure out why my mom kept drinking. Daily. Too much. And paid the highest price possible: Her life.
When she drank she didn’t care so much. She didn’t feel the hurt and pain inside her or around her.
I finally understand.
The only reason why I’m sharing this with you, my fellow bloggers, is because I want to tell you – whisper in your ears – that I’m not an alcoholic and I won’t ever be. But now I understand why people, especially the sensitive types, feels such a need to “drown the sorrows in the bottle”.
But it leads… no place good. 
I’m thankful I know Jesus and the tug in my heart will prevent me from drowning my sadness.
The story of my mom can be found here : How my mom passed away
I too grew up in a home with Addiction. My mother was addicted to Alcohol and pain killers. It took a long time for me to realize the truth of how she used this to numb the pain. It is crazy how something so easily can go from enjoyment to destruction. Thank you for sharing!
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Beautiful. What a gift to be able to understand another’s pain. There are many addictions, some very socially acceptable, like work or even religion (not God), that keep despair at bay.
God actually meets us in the despair with grace that brings growth in learning to love from it. Religion – not so much.
Your post is a wonderful grace filled gift.
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Thank you so much for these kind words. It’s wonderful to know how Jesus will meet us in any despair. I’m waiting to hear from Him right now actually!
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Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry about your mother. I drank for 10 years trying to numb my sad feelings. It worked at first, that’s the trap, but it quit working. I’m thankful Jesus delivered me from drinking.
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I’m thankful too that Jesus delivered you out of that trap. So glad to have you onboard here. Blessings.
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The God of angel armies are always by your side. Prayers 🙏🏻
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Thank you and thanks for stopping by! Appreciate you.
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Powerful message!
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Let’s hope it reaches someone who needs it too ;-). Thanks for reading my post.
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No problem
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As with most people addicted to anything, its a crutch. I worked in a Veterans ward once as a nurse aid and when I was younger I partied too much for the same reason w/o realizing it. Sometimes all of that party stuff is just a mask. Sorry about your mom 💔☝🙏
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Hm… I seem to recall some rather similar party things in my youth (I probably talk about those times on my side blog Song of Virginity)… Blessings and thanks for stopping by here. Appreciate you.
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Thank you for sharing! I grew up with a very similar situation. So thankful for my relationship with Jesus. I know I will see my mom again but it doesn’t lesson the sorrow of wishing she was here now.
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I’m so sorry you had to grow up in a similar situation. It’s hard, but with Jesus we pull through. I’m so happy you have the comfort that you will see your mom again. Blessings and thank you for your comment here. Appreciate it.
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I am happy for your revelation. Thank you for sharing. I love how God teaches us!
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Thank you – and thanks for stopping by and writing a few words. I appreciate the encouragement. Blessings.
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