The hidden part of grief

Okay, maybe it’s not so much hidden as it’s me just now realizing it… 

Sometimes a year seems like a very long time. Sometimes it just flies by. The past year has done both.
When I think of my daughter’s anxiety, depression, psychiatrist, psychologist, counseling, medication, fears and experiences, the year has passed by like a snail on the German autobahn!

But when I think of my dad and last summers long hard walk from hospital to hospice, watching him in agonizing pain despite extremely high dosages of morphine, to the phone call the morning of august 16th that it was over, to the funeral and the immediate grief that takes a hold of the heart when loosing a loved one – this past year has flown by faster than a Star Trek warp drive!

image1.jpg

It feels like it was just the other day that my brother and I went with the pine tree coffin, because dad loved nature so much and I simply couldn’t imagine him in the usual white one. We selected a natural stone and picked the duck, the fish and the stag for decorations on the stone for his burial site.IMG_3201.jpg

 

The grief has come in tidal waves. Some weeks were a lot harder than others. But after a year; grief is still here. I don’t believe we ever get over the loss of a loved on. But in time we learn to live with them being gone. I’m still learning. Every day it gets a teeny tiny bit easier.

There are different kinds of grief. We grieve when losing a loved one, but we also grieve when we learn that our child has anxieties/depression or some other debilitating issue.

That is a devastating grief too and anyone who has lived it, will know it.child-sad.png

I have help from above because I know Jesus is with me. But being a believer does not by any means except anyone from experiencing pain, sorrow, grief and sadness. Jesus experienced all of that too, so that we could have a high priest who understands our weaknesses.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (NLT)
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Grief isn’t an illness. It’s a condition of the heart in which weakness is present for the time it takes to process the grief. 

A weakness I can’t handle without the Lord’s help and here’s why: This past year has taught me that grief leaves me vulnerable to temptations, fear, anger, irritability, indulging etc. In other words; It leaves me weak. In the natural process of grieving, I actually sin or do/feel things that can lead to sin.

No’b, I’m not proud of it… But I now understand that Jesus indeed knows every one of my weaknesses. So I can come boldly before His throne and find Grace to help me when I need it the most and that is the light in the middle of dark grief.

d183443d971e8caa8d04a20e55c54d5d.jpg

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “The hidden part of grief

  1. Nothing compares to losing a parent, but a number of years ago I lost my aunt and grandmother. I really loved her so much and she was definitely one of my closest relatives. I was devastated when she passed away and I still cry at random times to this day because I miss her. But in the midst of feeling sad I realize that it is almost selfish to be sad hahaha. Here I am crying wishing she were here while she is in a place so amazing that my imagination is incapable of conjuring up a thought great enough to equal up to the majesty of her new inhabitants. This very idea helped me to get through because I realized that she was with God now. Legit with God. I ask to feel His presence every single day because there is nothing like it and she is legitimately spending every one of her days with Him now. The very same thing goes for your father. He’s hasn’t passed away he went to go Live for the first time. He is LIVING like he has never LIVED before. and he is waiting for you to get there once God has done all of the amazing things he has planned for you here so you can all talk about it and have a wonderful time in a place so great you thank even think about it. God bless I hope this helped and didnt come off as rude or anything hahaha

    Like

    1. Thanks – there’s nothing rude about your reply. It’s good solid advice. The only thing is that I’m not actually entirely sure where my dad went when he went… so, the loss is kind of double. I do best when I decide to choose that he was sincere when he said he wanted to believe. Anyway, it’s only been a year and grief can take much longer than that.
      Remain Blessed my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My prayers are will you. May God provide healing and much needed comfort for you and your family. I’m so sorry to hear you don’t have the same comfort as I did, but anytime you need prayer or any sort of uplifting feel free to email me!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You have such a good heart my friend. I’m so sorry your father went through this and I’m sorry for the pain and grief you have endured. Truly we were never created to live in a world of death and separation. And truly when we are weak, he is strong. I don’t have words that I feel are appropriate here, but I just take my shoes off at the holy ground you are walking on with Jesus in the grief and your faithfulness to him through out it all. I can see Jesus’ light shining through you brightly 🙂 bless you my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elizabeth

    I too have a daughter who struggles with anxiety and depression. Several years ago she slit her wrists. She still has her ups and downs. I will definitely pray for your daughter!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Of all the human emotions I find grief to be the worst. It just seems to gnaw at us like no other emotion. But the good thing is when it does finally fade away — and it will, it takes time — there is a closure that is bittersweet that eventually leaves a fondness in the heart. That fondness is found in our memories of happy times spent with our departed loved one.

    I am sorry for your loss. It never is easy. I try to tell myself that there are reasons for such losses we do not understand whilst here. Stay strong in Jesus. He will wipe every tear from your eyes and heart. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for this beautiful post. Grieving does make us weak; without God to help us, what would we do? I grieve for my grandson who died 5 years ago; at first I was surprised by the peace that surrounds me when I need it so much. Now I count on it. I’m sorry about your daughter; one of my granddaughters has OCD. She is much better now at 19 years old. She became sick when she was 4. So difficult to see your loved one suffer. May God give you strength and peace.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s