Whatever I do and whenever I do it, there is always a part of me considering fear and victory and what follows. Not my own fear, though I have that to battle, but as a mom I am guiding my daughter whenever she looks to me. And she always does. I find myself envious of the parents who have “normal kids”, whatever that means.
This morning my girl complained about a sore throat and she had a slight fever. Learning how to overcome fear we sometimes need to face it (and sometimes not). So I took her off school and headed for the doctor. She is afraid of the doctor… It’s never nice is it (unless it’s my adopted father in faith who is a doctor 1 1/2 hours train ride away) and the cold isn’t serious but I decided to show her that doctors doesn’t always do tests and “uncomfortable” doesn’t need to equal “fear”.
In the waiting area immediately before seeing the doctor, she suddenly turns away from me and looks down at the floor whispering “I’m so scared!”. Her breathing made it obvious that the pulse was pumping faster than a racetrack horse!
Of course I wanted to tell her all is well and she will be just fine, but instead I asked her what the worst thing she could imagine would be. She feared the test… Because she tried it a few weeks back when she had strep throat. Instead of saying “I’m sure you won’t need a test”, I covered her with my arms and told her that I didn’t know if a test would be needed. It of course didn’t help her… She feared more and her face turned pale and her heart was racing… She has seen a doctor for 9 years now. It will never be comfortable but it isn’t something to be feared to this extent. As a mom, I can’t help thinking how she will cope with life in the future.
The doctor didn’t do a test. Her relief was instant and obvious. Her cold is a mild one as I suspected but my goal was to show her that it isn’t always uncomfortable to visit the doctor.
Afterwards I asked her how she felt about it before and after the visit and if she could focus on the feeling that came after, the next time she had to go see the doctor. She just said “No, I will feel scared again”.
I feel like I did nothing good and instead of easing her mind while she was locked in fear in the waiting room, I made it worse.
With anxiousness, there are so much to loose and everything to win. I can’t really ever know if my efforts are right. But at least I’m trying. Everyday I look to God asking Him to carry us both through the day… And He does. My girl felt relieved today. I can only pray that next time she will remember and choose to trust the relief – and that God is with her.