I’d rather Not go there…

The blogging101 course had the assignment of writing a post prompted by… something… and I never made it to the “blogging101 assignment prompt” as I opened my inbox and found the weekly mail I receive from my former Pastor Howard. He faithfully jots down a thought every week and sends it out to the people who are on the recipient list. This week is was about “Where We’d Rather Not Go…” and in the message it stated “just because something is hard does not mean it’s wrong” and that was definitely my prompt for the day!

In John 21:18 Jesus says to the Apostle Peter “…someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go”. In Mark 1:12 Jesus Himself went into the desert (that’s a hard place!!) as “At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert…” meaning, Jesus didn’t go there to roast marshmallows but went there in obedience – being in His Father’s will!

Just because something is hard, does not mean it’s wrong! 

I know that when I make the right decision I feel the peace of God which transcends all understanding… Having peace does not equal an easy life. It doesn’t mean that I don’t go into those hard places where I really don’t want to go. What it means is simply (and complicated-ly) this: That I am in the Father’s will!

I have heard many good Godly Christians say things like “I just don’t think she has fully surrendered to the Lord yet, so that’s why He doesn’t provide what she’s asking for” or “Our sin leads to our own discouragement and that leads to stuff like depression and so forth”… Honestly, I’m not trying to point fingers – I can’t say if it’s true or not, but I believe my job is to love and show compassion and leave the whole explanation and judging to the Lord…

Which leads me to my own circumstances with my girl battling anxiety/depression. The past few weeks, apart from being extremely sad and sobbing, I have been beating myself down in the thinking that my sin and the sins of my daughter brought us to these circumstances: anxiety/depression, expensive trips to psychologist and possibly psychiatrist, school education/environment decision making etc. and shame on me: Leaving the Lord out of the equation!

But could it be that I am – we are – in the Father’s will after all?
My peace is that I now have a piece of paper from an accredited psychologist stating what I have known for some time and I’m no longer a target of “hysterical mom syndrom”. Now, I’m of course battling other moms who will immediately equate learning difficulties, autism and ADHD etc with depression, but that’s a different story.
But – Do I have God’s peace?
Yes. I know it’s His doing that we got the psychologist, It’s His doing that the school now recognizes my daughters difficulties.
Do I have God’s peace? Yes, I believe He brought us to this place because I myself has battled anxiety most of my life and it’s the place where the evil one can and will get a foothold inside me. Considering my mom’s addiction to alcohol and oftentimes immense mood swings, I am learning something that helps me get past the questions following her death (and yes, it’s been 13 years now).
Do I have God’s peace? yes, because my husband finally realized that not everything is what it looks like.

But I’d really rather not go to that steep rocky place of coping with something as heavy on my heart and shoulders as this! But there is no choice. Below is a link and an excerpt from a different blog and though I’m certain it will be thought/provoking to some, it’s been encouraging to me.

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As followers of Christ and as his representatives, we are called to follow his example. We are called to reach out to suffering people, to stick with them rather than shrink away. We are called to believe that no one is ever beyond hope, past the point where God’s grace and love apply to them. God does not give up on people, even if they give up on themselves. After all, we are not called to have all the answers, understand all life’s mysteries, or fix everyone’s problems. But we are called to love. 

Amy Simpson

Christians Can’t Ignore the Uncomfortable Reality of Mental Illness

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