The facebook dilemma!

A year ago I deactivated my facebook account and I haven’t regretted it. A year ago I was facing a child who struggled and a dad who got a 2nd collapsed vertebra (bedridden) from cancer gone to the bones and a very limited lifespan (and being 10.000 km away did not make that any easier).

On facebook I always felt like I had to show the happy things and faces or otherwise my “friends” would judge in one way or another as “she’s just seeking attention” or “don’t want to watch gloomy posts”. Also, as time passed from beginning of my facebook account with limited number of friends to having friends I barely knew… the newsfeed got crowded with adds. The posts from some friends were just barely likable (as “laying in bed with my beautiful wife” kind of thing… good for you! But I really don’t need to know that…) and once all was said and done in a day’s work, I found myself being on facebook more time than I actually wanted to. Talk about the backbone of a rainworm – as we say in Denmark… I got addicted and that is never good.

When my dad fell the 2nd time and I realized that my “facebook friends” couldn’t offer much support, I decided to just go cold turkey – quit – finish – be done with it. The first few days, I walked around myself but very quickly found joy in reading a book again or writing a letter the old-fashioned way or even an email to someone I missed.

When my dad went to be with my Lord Jesus this summer I wanted to post something about him on facebook. That was the first time I actually missed it. But soon I realized it was because I wanted to hear all the “RIP”, “sorry for your loss” and “condolences” comments and be able to see the “like” number count going up. Yikes… and I pushed the idea of reopening it aside.

I still don’t miss facebook, but I do miss a network where I can communicate with all friends and family in my birth country and send photos of what my life here in Tokyo is really like. I just can’t find any network that can do that better than facebook… as all my friends from the little duck pond of Denmark are indeed on facebook. Not on what’s up, Line or Instagram.

Even though my family here are facing some pretty serious stuff in regards to my little (not so little anymore actually…) girl with anxiety, sensory processing issues making it’s way to depression, I must admit that I am once again tempted to open up a new facebook account for my girl and I for the sole purpose of staying in contact with family and friends.

This is where it gets complicated… well, not really all that complicated but since I do have a tendency to addictions – can I use it for that purpose only or will I once again be tempted and give in… and end up with a bunch of “unknown friends”, choosing not to post because it’s not “a happy post” and how about the spending of time.

Oh the facebook dilemma… Yes, I could use email and once in a while sit down and jot down and add photos etc and send it out to all as a pdf. I do have a friend who does that and it works, but then it also feels rather impersonal. Is facebook personal? If the number of friends are limited to strictly duck-pond friends, formerly known as vikings, then I could possibly keep it personal. I think. But then my next issue would be the information flow in case of another big disaster here in Japan. 3.11.2011 brought a lot of true and false info from various sources and the one source I found to be true all the time were the independant university (international) friends who knew about radioactive stuff…

Oh the facebook dilemma. You certainly are a double-edged sword but your name isn’t Jesus!

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10 thoughts on “The facebook dilemma!

  1. Amen! I deactivated over a week ago, but went back and forth with the idea. December 28th marked 1 year since Daddy went to be with the Lord, and like you, I thought about those “I’m so sorry for your loss” comments and “likes”. I do miss staying in touch with family, but it seems to cause more stress for me than good. There are too many political posts, and I feel like everyone’s status should just read: My opinion is better than yours. :-/ I don’t watch the news for good reason, yet have family members that share morbid news stories . . . What good will that do? Volunteer at an animal shelter if you want to make a difference verses sharing a graphic story and saying, “So sad!” 😦 It’s tough because I do most of my business on there, but it’s difficult to separate the two. If a hostess or customer messages me and I don’t reply right away because it’s not my office hours, she can see that I saw her message and can think I am ignoring her. Or visa versa . . . If I only get on for business and ignore personal messages and comments, people will get offended, because that’s what they do. So, I dunno. I suppose it comes down to self control. Set times to be on. Once a day maybe. Delete the app from your phone. A friend of mine never reads her news feed. If she thinks of a person she will go to their page and check it out, but she doesn’t waste time scanning the news feed. Pray about it. See what the Lord says. I am doing that very thing! Love ya sister! ❤

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    1. You know, I just this morning went on my husbands Facebook account and oops – an hour passed before I knew it and what’s more, all the cheerful joyful happy picture perfect posts (you know what I mean) I immediately felt inferior or intimidated as my own small joys in life simply can’t compete… I’m truly happy for those friends with “perfect postings”, but as for me; I’m not mentally capable of being on a social media without ending up falling for the temptations such as comparing myself. I think my scroll on Facebook this morning was the Lord’s confirmation that I’m not ready for that yet or perhaps I just never need to be. Just thought I’d let you know 😘.

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      1. Thanks for sharing. I will likely reactivate tomorrow solely for my business since our new spring catalog comes out Saturday and I have an upcoming show that I need to create an event for. I think a lot of it comes down to our identity, and who we see ourselves as. The more we can find our identity in Christ, the less we will need to find it on FB through “likes,” comments, and everyone’s “approval”. We won’t feel the need to compare ourselves either, because the only person whose approval we need is God’s. Nothing else will matter. 😉 Praying for a greater revelation of Christ’s love for you and His thoughts toward you. They are higher than anyone’s “perfect postings,” because he is the ONLY perfect one! 😀 :-*

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      2. I love your perspective, it’s shared by many! Andy Stanley called social media a “highlights reel”, which I think is a fitting description. It’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap when you see perfect postings… Good on you for patiently listening and recognizing that this wasn’t the time for you to start again.

        Praying for your daughter and family 🙂

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    1. Yes indeed may He guide and lead. So far I’m still not going back on but last night I spent about 3 hours writing a newsletter with photos to Danish family and friends wishing them a happy new year. It’s a possibility… Can I please have your email because I might hit it down in English too and send out 😘.

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