If I could bring you the stars

I see many great and wonderful posts about Christmas these days. Well, being 22nd December I guess it’s only natural. I too am in the Christmas spirit… Okay, not really but I’m trying.

I got a few of my Scandinavian pixies out and they are very decorative. The table runner hangs lovely on the wall with this years Christmas cards attached to it. An annual changing decoration and it’s always fun to see how many cards arrive to decorate. And yes, it is actually a table runner… I just find it more useful as a card holder…

I thought I was in the pit of grief after my dads slow and painful death in August, only 4 months ago. But as I recommitted myself to my Lord and found my way to the surface again, I found God to be as faithful as ever. He won’t give up on me!

Unfortunately the evil one is equally “faithful” and as soon as I peaked my head up and began breathing again he was right there slamming my face… Oh my Lord, what have I ever done to deserve this…

Deserve what, you may ask. In short; my girl was tested by a psychologist for math learning and I asked him to look into the anxiety I know she struggles with. And by golly he did… Yes, my girl indeed has dyscalculia. It’s the number version of dyslexia in case you wonder. We kind of knew that already so no big surprise. But she also has at least 3 different anxiety issues which together adds up to a mountain which can be labeled: depression!

I was crying my eyes out as I walked down the street of Roppongi… on the phone with my husband… after having a meeting with the psychologist and received the neurodevelopmental evaluation. Wow… Depression.

My barely 9 year old girl has a depression?!? Sweet Jesus, what have I ever done that was so wrong… I can’t even begin to explain what went through my head at that time.

My heart was sinking. It’s sad beyond words. My heart cries a lot. It doesn’t understand God’s plan and yet it does not doubt that He will bring good out of the ashes and that one day my girl will be a full blooded Jesus girl.

The first days that followed I spent more time crying than anything else. But the Lord was faithful to send people in my path who has been there themselves one way or another. They knew how I felt! And that meant a lot.

Next I read and re-read the evaluation. The recommendations are psychotherapy and antidepressants. I have a hard time accepting antidepressants for my 9 year old and it may be cultural, but I need more proof that it’s needed before going that direction. So, a blood test at the doctor today to check if everything is okay with her thyroid. After that, a couple of sessions with the psychologist to look deeper into the anxieties and then… We will see.

Photo 47


5 thoughts on “If I could bring you the stars

  1. It was good to hear from you—its been awhile! I am glad you are recovering from your Dad’s illness and death this summer, but sorry to hear about your daughter. Depression can be bad, but it is treatable and is much to be preferred over cancer or other diseases that can strike. I hope you give the recommended treatment a chance. You are a strong lady in your faith, and I know God is with you every step of the way and will give you strength and wisdom to get through this. My love and prayers for both of you!


    1. Thank you my dear Jim. Your words are full of warmth and much needed. Yes depression is to be preferred in comparison. We will see what happens but I am working on ways to communicate with her that is different from ways we used to talk about feelings. I will listen to recommendations but my gut instincts tell me she doesn’t need the medication. At least not based on a 3 hour learning disability test. I humbly thank you for your prayers. Recommitting to my Lord daily. With love in Jesus.


  2. I started getting depressed at 10 years old. But, that was because I was being abused. I too have learning disabilities, which added to my anxiety and depression. My anxiety and depression actually only grew with time to the point where I needed medication to function. And even now, I don’t know if my life would be considered a functioning one.

    Keep testing. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance. Bullying. Don’t give up. Medication is not always the answer. If you find the root cause and treat the illness, you don’t need to cover up the symptoms. I’m at the point where my symptoms of my illness are so severe I have no choice. Get it early. You’re a good mom! Keep having faith in the Lord@


      1. Thank you! And remember, just because someone has anxiety and depression doesn’t mean they will have it forever. I know many who overcame it by finding the root cause. Unfortunately in my case, it all came too late and now I’m sitting here in my 20s overloaded with many bad thoughts. It doesn’t help that I have a chronic debilitating illness.
        But yes, pray! Pray! And find the root!



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