Last week I woke up in the very late evening after a few hours of sleep. I got out of bed and went to the winter garden, where the summer night sky was still bright as the sun was setting and the moon was high in the sky.
The days before I had been at my dad’s bedside asking and pleading with God how much longer my dad has to suffer. When he is awake and clear minded he is in mental agony knowing that he will never do all the things he wants to and physical pains I can’t even begin to imagine.
Once more I looked up feeling rather numb at the otherwise very beautify sky and I saw two blackish clouds. One behind the other. The one behind was big and shaped like a hand with 4 fingers and a thumb pointing upwards. The cloud in front was shaped like a sitting baby-like shape and it was moving towards the hand, slightly turning as it went.
My mouth made little sound but my lips tried to form the word “GOD!”.
It was an incredible and tear-jerking feeling.
An interpretation? God speaks in a million ways and this was one of them.
This week, my dad had a great day Wednesday. He felt better than he has in weeks and so they lifted him into his wheelchair and he was taken outside for a walk in the park with my brother, then he attended a short worship with communion with some visiting friends and then we came and took him out to see his car and sat with him outside. It was nice to see him in such a state and clear minded too. When it was time to leave the nurses wanted him back in his bed, but in his stubbornness he continued to say no. I can’t blame him… but he ended up being in the wheel chair for about 8 hours.
Thursday, the day after, he was in what we in Danish call “archery-bow” pains.
It describes the way a person will twist and turn in pain without any rest or relief. They ended up giving him a so-called “hammer”, which means he got drugged to the point of complete sleep. Friday he wasn’t given any extra pain relief and though we could make contact with him, we couldn’t actually have a conversation. He had trouble speaking, forming the words and basically drifted in and out of sleep.
Friday morning I found a dead adult hare in my dad’s vegetable garden (where there are no vegetables this year of course). It was removed and tossed in the forest nearby as we do with dead animals here. Saturday morning I saw a cute tiny hare kitten, sitting next to my dad’s car. His beloved car. It tried to hide under it, but couldn’t and ended up running away. I stared into my daughters eyes and told her how amazing God is!
I have no doubt that it was another sign from my Lord that death will come, but it’s not the end. I even wrote my (still unbelieving) husband about it and he saw the symbolism, though not the One Who is behind it.
Still – what an amazing God I love.
I often doubt if my dad truly is saved. I’m only human… My dad told me he believes back in May. Who am I to judge… but I haven’t seen much evidence of His spirit in my dad so far and keeps reminding myself that the walk with Christ begins with baby-milk. I believe God has shown me, answering my prayers, that my dad is saved. Though I may doubt still I must believe that.
Yesterday we took a drive to the viking ship museum. My daughter has been wanting to go since last year. It’s a museum mainly having 5 viking ships exhibited. it’s small – but they have many work shops for kids and my girl made her own necklace hammering in her own design on a “Thor’s hammer”. The ancient northern mythology warrior-god’s hammer.
There I saw how the vikings, who were cruel survivors in a part of the world where literally only the strongest survived, lived and worked and fought. But even the vikings submitted to God’s word… and I bought myself a cross designed by vikings. It’s a part of my own history. Gone from being raised in a culture where I should “fight my own battles”, to be a “warrior” in my time but always feeling empty and in need of more inside – to submitting to the love and strength of Christ. Something I’ll never regret. I too was once a viking… but now I belong to the Lord.
And one day soon, my dad will be with Him in heaven. Not in Valhalla, hell or in nothingness. But in God’s presence.