God’s 6th commandment telling us not to murder – or kill, depending on translation – is a temptation I’m very close to these days.
Wait – what? Did she really write that?
Yes, I did.
There is a person whose life I would like to end.
Not in anger but in despair. Not in bitterness but in mercy.
But the Lord’s commandment rings in my ears…
My dad had a great start on the hospice. He likes it there and they are doing a good job keeping him pain free and he can enjoy coming outdoor, in the wild-flower park-like area they have around the 12 rooms, in either wheelchair or in his bed. They will make the food he feels like eating and they are very sweet and caring nurses. It’s a great place with a wonderful relaxed atmosphere and no less than 40 volunteers who comes and bakes, talks, shows movies, sings, plays music etc.
But the past few days my dad’s pain has increased greatly and his mood has gone down again. The mere fact that his girlfriend ended their relationship is taking a big toll on him because he obviously feels let down. After talking to several people I have learned that she was the one provoking the break up and he responded with what she needed to get out of the relationship without carrying the blame of leaving a dying man…
He cries when I give him a hug, he sheds tears if we talk about his death, he is in no way accepting that his life is coming to an end… but the worst part is to see him in such excruciating pains.
The nurse was quite blunt about it: advanced prostate cancer gone to the bones is the most painful cancer to have.
I want to keep my dad alive. But my mind wants the Lord to end my dad’s life.
I’m very tempted to give my dad an overdose – anything that will end his life sooner. In Denmark that’s not allowed and even if it was, it would be against God.
My mind knows it’s very wrong and I’m not allowed access to any medicine that possibly could end his life, so I wouldn’t be able to actually carry it out. Thankfully. But it’s in my heart and thoughts, and – truthfully it’s scary as that’s one commandment I never thought I would battle face on like this.
I’m not talking about the deeper meanings of the commandments like killing someone’s spirit, but the cold hard fact of taking a life. That’s God’s job. Not mine. But my thoughts… and my heart…
Would it be a sin to pray for the Lord to take my dad home soon?
With love in Him