Thou shall not murder

God’s 6th commandment telling us not to murder – or kill, depending on translation – is a temptation I’m very close to these days.
Wait – what? Did she really write that?
Yes, I did.

There is a person whose life I would like to end.
Not in anger but in despair. Not in bitterness but in mercy.
But the Lord’s commandment rings in my ears…

My dad had a great start on the hospice. He likes it there and they are doing a good job keeping him pain free and he can enjoy coming outdoor, in the wild-flower park-like area they have around the 12 rooms, in either wheelchair or in his bed. They will make the food he feels like eating and they are very sweet and caring nurses. It’s a great place with a wonderful relaxed atmosphere and no less than 40 volunteers who comes and bakes, talks, shows movies, sings, plays music etc.

But the past few days my dad’s pain has increased greatly and his mood has gone down again. The mere fact that his girlfriend ended their relationship is taking a big toll on him because he obviously feels let down. After talking to several people I have learned that she was the one provoking the break up and he responded with what she needed to get out of the relationship without carrying the blame of leaving a dying man…

He cries when I give him a hug, he sheds tears if we talk about his death, he is in no way accepting that his life is coming to an end… but the worst part is to see him in such excruciating pains.
The nurse was quite blunt about it: advanced prostate cancer gone to the bones is the most painful cancer to have.
I want to keep my dad alive. But my mind wants the Lord to end my dad’s life.
I’m very tempted to give my dad an overdose – anything that will end his life sooner. In Denmark that’s not allowed and even if it was, it would be against God.

My mind knows it’s very wrong and I’m not allowed access to any medicine that possibly could end his life, so I wouldn’t be able to actually carry it out. Thankfully. But it’s in my heart and thoughts, and – truthfully it’s scary as that’s one commandment I never thought I would battle face on like this.
I’m not talking about the deeper meanings of the commandments like killing someone’s spirit, but the cold hard fact of taking a life. That’s God’s job. Not mine. But my thoughts… and my heart…

Would it be a sin to pray for the Lord to take my dad home soon?

With love in Him

6 thoughts on “Thou shall not murder

  1. MarieinZushi

    Lene, pray what is in your heart. Our Lord wants you to come to Him with your struggles. The greatest act of love is to pray for your father to be in a better place in heaven. Closure to everything on his mental list helped my grandfather to let go when he was in tremendous pain. Pray. The Holy Spirit will lead you to the actions that are best. I’ll pray for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As a hospice chaplain I was faced with this question quite often from caregivers as their loved ones were in great pain and had a terminal illness. I would love to talk to you about this in person, but this note will have to make do. I think that it is very good that you pray that your Dad would be out of pain. And death, while most people fear it, can be the best friend for one who is in great pain and suffering. I also, as a hospice chaplain often advised family to talk to their loved one and tell them that it is alright to “let go.” It’s like giving them your permission to die. whether you can do this is up to you, but it often comes as a great relief to the dying person. Tell him you love him; tell him you will be o.k., and that when it is time it is o.k. to let go of their life. You also mentioned the broken relationship with his companion. That may point to some unfinished business that is keeping your Dad alive. Is there any other unfinished business he might have? Unfinished business often keeps people from dying peacefully. But by all means let us pray that your Dad die peacefully and soon so he will be out of pain. God, who loves him as one of his children, would be very receptive to that prayer, I’m sure. May God wrap his arms around you and your father and walk with you through this trying time. That’s my prayer for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Heather

    If you father is a believer, I don’t think it’s a sin to ask the Lord to end his suffering by taking him home. After all, being with Jesus forever is the ultimate hope of all Christians.
    I pray that you will feel at peace during this trying time.

    Liked by 1 person

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