That’s what they call it. But I think it should be renamed to “roller coaster cancer ride”. Because that’s a more truthful description of what my dad has been through the past 1 1/2 year. And now, that he is in the palliative care unit waiting for a hospice the word “roller coaster” is ever more true than before.
As vividly present in mind and body he has been the past 4 days, as tired and in pains he is today. We walked in to his room while he was moaning in pain. He called nurses and they gave him pain relief and turned his body so his legs could be in a different position. We stayed about 10 min after he fell asleep and as I walked to the car, I got that nasty feeling you don’t want to get when you walk out of a hospital. Though I’m sure he won’t pass away within the next month admittedly, a part of me wish he could be spared this excruciating pain. And as I drove off in his car, towards his home, using all his things… It simply just feels so wrong to do – because he isn’t here with us. The hospital bed in his living room is empty.
How I miss my mom now. During this time. My dad was there for me when she died. I know Jesus is here because I can see His hand in my life. But I just feel very alone with this burden.