I don’t have much time to update my blog. Things are happening slow and yet fast at the moment.
Hang on daddy – I’m on my way, I thought on the long haul flight across Siberia. Landing in Copenhagen airport and during an overnight stay before the journey continued, I kept asking God if it would be okay.
We walked into the palliative care unit in the hospital and I nervously found his room and peeked in. He was in bed watching tv, laying in a position like a baby with his legs. It’s been a year since I saw him and back then he was much different. He smiled, took my hand and cried. Everything had happened during that week: he had a fight with the girlfriend and for very good reasons he had asked her to pack her things and stay away… It’s long and complicated but bottom line is that she’s no longer a part of his life. A few days after that happened and the same day I arrived, the doctors had told him that they had given up on him. There is nothing more they can do. I’m amazed by God’s timing in all this. Truly I am as I came when it seemed my dad needed me the most. With a reassuring touch I told him that blood is thicker than water and that he wouldn’t need to go through this alone.
It’s been a week now. He is moaning and nearly screaming with pain every time he has to be moved. The doctor is raising his pain treatment to add 3 more medicines to target 3 different pains. Today my dad agreed to apply to a hospice. He has been rejecting it for a while but he now realizes that he can’t pain-wise be home and staying in the palliative care unit isn’t the best place for him either.
I have heard about hospice care in other countries and they seem different from what it’s like here. In Denmark a hospice is like a 24/7 nursing home with private room, private garden to wheel bed out, private tea kitchen, possibility for family to live in, doctors, nurses, counsellor, priest/pastor and cooks on call 24/7. There are hospice meditation rooms, restaurant, piano entertainment etc. It’s a place where the last time on earth is to be enjoyed and the patient pampered for. Death is something beautiful there.
As for me, I’m very tired. It’s incredibly difficult to watch your loved one go through such pain and trying and humiliating time. My wish to read to him from revelation has yet to come true but God has His timing for everything. I’m not praying for my dad’s life to be extended nor shortened. Though it’s mighty tempting. But for his peace of heart and mind I pray daily. And for my own peace and strength and for my daughter to overcome the loneliness she feels.
Thank you for reading this far and staying with me through this quite trying time.
With love in Him