Nearing the end

No, this is not an “end-of-the-world” post. This is just me trying to come to terms with my dad’s life ending sometime in the near future. How do I know? I don’t. I don’t know when, where or how. But I do know that it will come, soon, and even if I know that, I feel so unprepared in every way. 

I know that no matter what, we can never be fully prepared for the impact the death of a loved one will have on us. I know. Whether the person is saved or not, there will and must be a grieving process to go through. 

It’s been 15 months since my dad was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with a broken vertebra caused by advanced prostate cancer. He had surgery and things were looking bright last summer when we visited. He could still walk. Things changed rapidly during the fall and the cancer kept spreading in his bones. Soon he was bedridden and paralyzed from waist down. They tried chemo but it destroyed more than it repaired. Now we are at the stage where infection numbers are sky rocketing and though antibiotics can keep it down for a while, within too long even that will be of no help. My dad gets tired fast and it’s getting more difficult to have a conversation with him. He talks nonsense often but once in a while he has a clear mind. 

I know. I know this is the course of things. I do know. What I really need to know is that my dad isn’t going to hell. Depending on who I talk to about it, some say he is saved, yet others say he is yet to be saved. I need to find peace within the storm and my main concern is my dad’s salvation. 

If he is saved, bring me peace of heart Lord. If he is not, bring me opportunities to be your witness. 

I miss my dad. 

I remember how he enjoyed the Japanese shabu-shabu or boiled meat with sesame sauce.   

My dad always had a positive perspective and outlook. He has taken this cancer ride with huge energy. Willing and ready to give it all to beat it.   All his life he has been the outgoing energetic kind. Always good for a laugh and a joke. Most certainly not perfect but loving, sometimes in his own unique way. Right now I wish I could master his perspective. To be positive. 

Praying for wisdom peace and strength. 

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9 thoughts on “Nearing the end

  1. I suggest that those who tell you your Dad is going to hell re-read the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew where Jesus teaches that we are not to judge: “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged,for the measure you give will be the measure you get.” (Matt. 7:1-2) Rather I hope that you instead will listen to Jesus, and remember the parable Jesus taught about the Prodigal Son. In that parable the Father (God) rushes out to meet his wayward son, once the son turns toward him to come home. He greets His son with love. When you are anxious try to picture your father coming up the road to his heavenly home and his Father God running to meet him, hug him, and welcome him home. That is what I see happening. I pray that our Father God will reveal this to you, my daughter in Jesus.

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  2. Father, how I pray you will comfort this sweet child of yours. I pray for her father’s salvation and that she has no doubt. I pray for her husband’s salvation, in Your perfect timing, but we pray for now 🙂 Lord I pray that through this valley Your light will shine bright and hearts will be made new for You. Peace, Lord, like we know we will shall someday have forever, but now just in moments when we feel we can go no longer without it, peace for now that we can live to breathe Your hope into others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

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  3. My heart is so with you, Lene. My dad died a few years back, and I too am unsure whether he will be in the Kingdom. According to conventional Christian doctrine, he is unsaved. However, I’ve learned in the last few years that God is SO MUCH BIGGER than conventional Christian doctrine, which is simply finite man’s attempt to understand and categorize the Eternal.

    I know that my dad had many opportunities to trust Y’shua. Did he do so to YHVH’s satisfaction? I don’t know, but then, who am I to say one way or the other? I am not his judge. My comfort is knowing that the true Judge, Y’shua, is a just and merciful judge. Whatever decision is made about my dad will be the right decision. It is so good to be able to put the matter in Y’shua’s righteous hands. May you have His Peace in this. ❤

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  4. Praying for you hon. Having recently lost my dad (and questioning his salvation) I can relate to what your going through. Check out the documentary “The Truth About Cancer: The Quest for the Cures.” Turns out Cancer is preventable, and curable, naturally. Chemo and radiation actual feed Cancer (as does sugar), which is why most people go down hill afterwards. Cancer has to do with the immune system, and as one of the doctors says, “Sick people get cancer.” The series is SO eye opening, and I believe there are measures that can be taken to heal your dad. Don’t loose hope! Check it out! 💞

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    1. Jennifer is right. Even if too much damage has been done and your dad is past the point of a cure, his pain and discomfort could still be greatly alleviated.

      Testimony: My mother-in-law was diagnosed last year with aggressive, Stage 3 colon cancer, which is an excruciatingly painful form of cancer. Initially she went through several months of chemo, only to learn at the end that the original cancer was still there and she had NEW cancer! She decided to let her body heal itself, as it is designed to do, and she went to a Christian holistic doctor/chiropractor with 7 years experience in healing cancer patients. She has been under his care only two months, but the change is astounding! Previously she could only walk a short way with a walker, but now is walking further and faster with only a cane and expects to be able to abandon the cane very shortly. Previously she could not sleep at night because of the pain. Now (with no medications whatever), she is sleeping through the night pain-free. Where before her attitude was, “Well, I’ve lived a good life and I’m ready to go,” (said in a soft, resigned voice), now she happily and vibrantly talks about how great she feels and it is obvious that she’s not ready to go anywhere except full steam ahead! We don’t know if she will be completely healed (though I believe she will!), but at the very least she won’t have to die in excruciating pain, sedated into unconsciousness.

      Even if your dad can’t experience a complete healing (which could still be entirely possible with the Lord’s help!), he could experience a significant decrease in discomfort and an increase in mental awareness. Definitely worth a try. But of course the family would have to ‘buy into’ this approach, since he is dependent upon them for his care at this point. If this is something you believe could be workable for your family, I will be praying with you about it!!

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      1. Thank you both for your inputs! I appreciate it and know it comes from your hearts. I think I would have to start by asking my Lord if this would be His way… The history in my family concerning non-traditional medicine is not positive.

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  5. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Praying you will have peace in your heart concerning your father’s spiritual walk with Jesus. May God give you clear signs in your mind and heart so that you can have peace and so can your father. Big hugs and love to you!

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