No, this is not an “end-of-the-world” post. This is just me trying to come to terms with my dad’s life ending sometime in the near future. How do I know? I don’t. I don’t know when, where or how. But I do know that it will come, soon, and even if I know that, I feel so unprepared in every way.
I know that no matter what, we can never be fully prepared for the impact the death of a loved one will have on us. I know. Whether the person is saved or not, there will and must be a grieving process to go through.
It’s been 15 months since my dad was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with a broken vertebra caused by advanced prostate cancer. He had surgery and things were looking bright last summer when we visited. He could still walk. Things changed rapidly during the fall and the cancer kept spreading in his bones. Soon he was bedridden and paralyzed from waist down. They tried chemo but it destroyed more than it repaired. Now we are at the stage where infection numbers are sky rocketing and though antibiotics can keep it down for a while, within too long even that will be of no help. My dad gets tired fast and it’s getting more difficult to have a conversation with him. He talks nonsense often but once in a while he has a clear mind.
I know. I know this is the course of things. I do know. What I really need to know is that my dad isn’t going to hell. Depending on who I talk to about it, some say he is saved, yet others say he is yet to be saved. I need to find peace within the storm and my main concern is my dad’s salvation.
If he is saved, bring me peace of heart Lord. If he is not, bring me opportunities to be your witness.
I miss my dad.
My dad always had a positive perspective and outlook. He has taken this cancer ride with huge energy. Willing and ready to give it all to beat it. All his life he has been the outgoing energetic kind. Always good for a laugh and a joke. Most certainly not perfect but loving, sometimes in his own unique way. Right now I wish I could master his perspective. To be positive.
Praying for wisdom peace and strength.