For a short time now I have been journaling; Writing down the words God speaks to me during our “coffee mornings” e.g. prayer time. It’s a thrilling time and hearing Him when He speaks is so wonderful, Glorious and Peaceful. Sometimes He gives directions, sometimes He gives warnings and sometimes He gives words of comfort.
My dad was admitted to hospital yesterday because of the fever, but he also had a skyrocketing blood pressure. I received a mail from my sister-in-law about this and I got really scared.
I know it’s not up to me, but it feels very scary to be far away, packing down a house and moving on Saturday and then receiving news such as this. Especially when I wish I could go and hold his hand…
So I broke down this afternoon, weeping and crying out for God.
I continued to ask Him if my dad would be okay this time around and a small voice inside kept saying yes,
but my fear felt crippling and I didn’t trust it was the voice of God, but my own desire to hear what I wanted to hear. A very trying day.
This evening I called my dad and kind of expected the worst news: cancer has spread.
But my dad sounds better.
Turns out he called the hospital shortly after I spoke with him and he was picked up by an ambulance and admitted. During the admission tests etc his blood pressure dropped to normal and (though he slept through it) he was given 2 liter of antibiotics and now the fever is gone too.
They are running enzyme tests now to find out if or what went or is wrong.
He says it looks like there is blood in the urine so I am still concerned that the cancer might have spread.
He also has some mucus in his throat that doesn’t want to go up nor down and his voice is very hoarse.
But I just had a moment of repentance – how small is my faith that I don’t trust His voice during a time of trial! I allowed fear to take over and it’s… well, embarrassing.
I have had days on days of wonderful conversation prayer time with the Lord and then I fall at the very first trial I get!
Here’s to trusting His voice next time!