Journaling – and the first trial

For a short time now I have been journaling; Writing down the words God speaks to me during our “coffee mornings” e.g. prayer time.  It’s a thrilling time and hearing Him when He speaks is so wonderful, Glorious and Peaceful. Sometimes He gives directions, sometimes He gives warnings and sometimes He gives words of comfort.

My dad was admitted to hospital yesterday because of the fever, but he also had a skyrocketing blood pressure. I received a mail from my sister-in-law about this and I got really scared.
I know it’s not up to me, but it feels very scary to be far away, packing down a house and moving on Saturday and then receiving news such as this. Especially when I wish I could go and hold his hand…

So I broke down this afternoon, weeping and crying out for God.
I continued to ask Him if my dad would be okay this time around and a small voice inside kept saying yes,
but my fear felt crippling and I didn’t trust it was the voice of God, but my own desire to hear what I wanted to hear. A very trying day.
This evening I called my dad and kind of expected the worst news: cancer has spread.
But my dad sounds better.
Turns out he called the hospital shortly after I spoke with him and he was picked up by an ambulance and admitted. During the admission tests etc his blood pressure dropped to normal and (though he slept through it) he was given 2 liter of antibiotics and now the fever is gone too.
They are running enzyme tests now to find out if or what went or is wrong.
He says it looks like there is blood in the urine so I am still concerned that the cancer might have spread.
He also has some mucus in his throat that doesn’t want to go up nor down and his voice is very hoarse.

But I just had a moment of repentance – how small is my faith that I don’t trust His voice during a time of trial! I allowed fear to take over and it’s… well, embarrassing.
I have had days on days of wonderful conversation prayer time with the Lord and then I fall at the very first trial I get!
Bummer!!

Here’s to trusting His voice next time!
In Jesus

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3 thoughts on “Journaling – and the first trial

  1. Thanks for the follow. I hope your father has recovered and is doing well by now. And I hope you’re continuing to love those times of fellowship with God in the mornings. I’m so thankful that the God of the universe stoops to speak to us mere human beings, and that He loves us so much that He paid the awful price of reconciling us to Himself.!

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  2. I hae been keeping a journal since 1996 and it has helped God to help me through many tough times. Sometimes God’s answers come to me as I write about my problems and I think you will find the same to be true for you. I’ve filled 46 spiral notebooks with my journal since the time I began and it has been a way to state my fears and joys and concerns and ask God for God’s help in overcoming them. You are right—it all comes down to the question: “How much do I trust God?” because the opposite of trust is fear. I hope your father is better by now and that you have found some peace in your journaling with coffee and God. I do my journaling with coffee and God early in the morning while my wife is still sleeping. It is my favorite time of day. May God continue to speak to you in the many ways God has to speak to each one of us! That’s my prayer for you.

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  3. I’m so sorry to hear the news about your father. I recently wrote a blog about fear (Fear not…), and then followed it with a post (No Longer Slaves) that has a song that I think will minister to your spirit during this time. Check it out when you have a minute. 😉 I will say a prayer for you and your father. Having recently lost my daddy (Dec. 28th) and having been halfway across the country on Christmas vacation with my in-laws, it was very difficult, but I knew God had a reason for it happening when it did, as I am the youngest of five, and Daddy’s little girl. I have had some tough moments but for the most part God has been my strength. The most you can do now is pray and trust God. He loves you and your father. 💗

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