It’s a new year and though I still have the hope for a less burdened year, it didn’t begin that way.
On Dec. 25th my dad was admitted to the hospital with high fever. Since he is getting chemo his immune system can’t handle any infections.
On the 26th my brother shows up in my dad’s home where my dad’s girlfriend is residing. It would seem that my brother wanted to clear out the garage… which would be very much against my dad’s will and the girlfriend tried to stop him. They had an argument and things were spoken that possibly shouldn’t have been, though I don’t actually know much except what my dad has told me. The argument must have been pretty severe though as the girlfriend took down her paintings from the walls and packed her clothes – and moved to her own home.
The cause was that my brother’s wife had said to her that “if she needed some time off she could just move to her own home as they could “easily care” for my dad.”
My dad stayed in the hospital until January 2nd when he was transferred back home and put into his hospital bed in his living room and… here comes the really sad news: It seems the girlfriend isn’t moving back in. Both my dad and I expected that she would return when he came back from hospital, but she didn’t. When I spoke to my dad yesterday, he said that she wanted to come visit but because my sister-in-law was there at that time (watering the flowers) she declined.
In other words: My brother and his wife and my dad’s girlfriend haven’t managed to agree to get along for the sake of my dad, if for no other reason!
It literally makes me cry!
I know and if you have read my previous posts “In retrospect” and “in retrospect 2 – coffee on the floor” then you will know too that the girlfriend is a highly sensitive person and certainly not easy to get along with. However, my brother and his family are not easy to be around either so I can plainly see the trouble, but still – the girlfriend was there around the clock, of great comfort to my dad and of course a huge help. Now, he is alone, lonely and entirely depending on home care service, the neighbors and my brother’s family.
A different side of my daily life evolves around my daughter and with dad working and living in Western Japan the whole load rests on my shoulders. I’m not complaining as I knew the “deal” when I married a Japanese man; Work comes first unless there are family emergencies. Lately my daughter has expressed some very sad feelings. She is in counseling because she struggles with fears and can’t seem to learn as she goes; Meaning once she has done something once or twice she knows it will be fine.
She clings to the fear of loneliness and after I have been learning more about how to talk to her she is opening up to me and revealing a lot of emotions that pretty much scares the ** out of me. Just the other night she told me “if you die, I will kill myself”. If you are a parent, then you will know how that knife cuts your heart in pieces. She has previously expressed feelings like “I don’t like living” and “life isn’t nice”. I must take this to the counselor… but if I am ruthlessly honest with myself, I do recognize those feelings from my own younger self. It is perhaps something that runs in my family line. But I had hoped that she could find the Joy of the Lord and see how He works and loves her. I’m at a loss and I do not know how to deal with it nor help her.
We also received notice that we must leave the rented home where we live now and move during this spring – preferably asap. So we have to now look for a new place to live.
It ALL comes at the same time.
I know who the real enemy is though. Satan has his nose in every part of my life and it’s literally only with God’s grace I’m still standing. I squirm on the floor, crying my heart out and find Him answering my prayers in small ways – just enough to keep me going. But last night after talking to my dad I felt like my heart went numb. There are much persecution in the world – all over the world now. All with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ are burned, tortured, killed and it doesn’t matter what age or gender. But there is another form of persecution which is also escalating greatly; The battle in the spiritual realm!
Oh my Lord, keep me standing and give me Grace and open my mind to your will at all times. In Jesus with love – May you all be Blessed.