It’s not Christmas morning and since I’m not American my family do not celebrate Christmas morning with presents. I’m Scandinavian and we celebrate on Christmas eve. I have no idea why we have the tradition, but I’m imagining that the lights of Christmas eve lit up the darker time (winter daylight is from 8.30 am to 4 pm or just about) while Christmas morning most people would sleep in. Or maybe it’s just a time zone thing.
Either way, I’m experiencing a wave of depression.
I was going to post a Christmas greeting on facebook, and that had me thinking about the year and especially the past few months… and have you by the way seen this year’s “facebook year” on facebook? I don’t even want to look… it’s filled with great stuff but so far from the reality of my life this past year.
I woke up to a mail this morning from my brother who wished us a merry Christmas and told us that dad is not doing well and that the treatment is life extending, but that they have all more or less come to the understanding that this is the last part of his life. Sigh… it’s just very hard to be far wanting to be close and yet knowing that either way, I can’t do much. — I have mails in my inbox which requires me using my non-existing communication skills… and it really really makes me feel so incredibly sad to know that much of what I say and do (communication wise as well as culture wise) are misunderstood. — Last night my husband returned from China and we had to have a talk about our daughters possible dyscalculia and why the school isn’t picking up on it. I’m actually afraid of taking it to the school (since the meeting where I was cut off from communicating with her teachers).
Reflecting on the past year isn’t something I usually do until new year, but this year, I’m pretty sure I don’t even want to. Not much good has happened in this year and I say that fully knowing that of course good things has happened, but in the big picture, a lot – a lot! of big bad stuff has been showered upon my family and me.
— But I resumed writing this blog and I have met some pretty wonderful people here and I just love you all. How easy it is to get whirled downwards by those negative thoughts. So I’m asking the Lord to bring me some peace of heart this day and evening and help me focus on the birth of the Savior – and make that my facebook Christmas greeting…
I can cry another day.