Last day of school was today and it was a half day – meaning from 8.30 to noon and the program of the day was Christmas party and then Christmas concert. My girl was gorgeous looking in her Queen Elsa of Arrendale dress and matching shoes and hair bow. Well, she’s 7 and loves everything princess and dressing up. And personally, I think “Frozen” is about the best movie Disney has made. The Norway I know shines through in the images they drew and even the distinctive art of Scandinavia is vividly present. And of course the act of true love, the self sacrifice to save those loved ones who doesn’t know which way to go displays the love of Jesus in an incredible way. Though Disney may never have had that thought in mind, but surely God did.
I have longed for this day for a long time: Finally, it’s vacation time. Finally I don’t have to struggle with a girl who doesn’t want to go to school or have worries about this, that and the other all combined into one lovely punch-bowl threatening to fall on both our heads. Finally, I can relax in the mornings and have my coffee in peace while my girl relaxes doing what 7 year olds feel like doing when they wake up in the mornings.
Not so long ago a friend came to me and told me that God had shown her a word when she prayed for me. The word was “loneliness”. At first I nodded because I understood. Little did I know that God was going to bring “loneliness” to a whole new level within me.
Those of you who read my posts regularly will know most of this already, but just in case:
My dad is terminally ill with advanced prostate cancer that has spread to the bones (spine) and 2 new metastasis has appeared, leaving him paralyzed from waist down. I know that it can spread to any organ at any given moment… and though I try to have an eye on the suitcases, as he is after all 10.000 km away, it’s as if I can’t imagine the day will come. But I realized that once he is gone, there is very little left for me in my birth country. It’s a lonely feeling I can’t really share with anyone, least of all my husband as he has never lived abroad.
My husband, being a nonbeliever, doesn’t understand the importance of having a church family. For me having a small group is essential to my well being, but forming one takes time and it’s hard. Recently our church has been without a pastor and a candidate has appeared, yet my husband who usually has joined me in church, hasn’t taken a liking to him and has said that he won’t go anymore. The prospect of going without him is rather dark, but the outlook of changing church feels even darker. The decision is mine… and that’s a lonely feeling.
I made a friend recently – well, some months ago actually – and I just love her! She’s an active seeker and was placed in my path as an angel sent from the Lord himself! Before I knew it though my friends was making friends with her and one thing lead to another. Amazing how the Lord is drawing her closer and I’m thrilled, because wow! I wanted to give her a Bible for Christmas and told a friend. The friend was placing an order and asked if I wanted the Bible from there. I declined because I had something else in mind. Next thing I know I speak to my friend whom then tells me that my friend had ordered a Bible for her, but she felt wrong taking any more (she already got 2 NT in 2 languages) so she wanted to pay for it. I asked my friend if she had ordered a Bible for her and she just said yes… I thought; Hang on a moment – I wanted to give her that Bible and she knew that, so why on earth did she go ahead and ordered one for her… Well, I have to forgive obviously, but it makes me real sad that the, precious to me, act of giving this special girl in my life a Bible, was taken away. I know it’s ridiculous because it’s my own pride and selfishness standing in the way. And that’s a lonely feeling.
Just to top it all off, we have been given notice that we must move this spring. At least we have more than a month to find something else, but with my husband living 8 hours drive away, it’s going to be tough to get a handle on this. I’ll be doing all the moving work and he’ll be doing all the paperwork. Marriage can be a lonely place when circumstances parts the couple.
Just the other day I was praying and words just flowed out of my mouth. I didn’t think too much actually – but I said “Lord, I know I am in this tunnel and it’s a hard and lonely place to be. But help me remember that You a-r-e the tunnel and in the tunnel and the light in the other end, is the hope”
Hope – it’s a word easily spread around during Christmas season. But really, the Hope IS the light and the light IS the Lord and the Lord IS the Christ and Christ IS God.
I may have loneliness in my heart. Sometimes overwhelming. But I also have hope.
Clinging to the Hope who is the God of Peace.