Being the problematic parent

Can be troublesome. I know, because I am one. Dealing with a problematic parent is a teachers problem and I don’t know what that is like. But I’m sure it’s horrible. Looking at several blog posts lately about “spoiled kids” who’s parents are “helping so much that kids don’t know responsibility” just has to make a teachers job close to a living nightmare! I really do understand that. And for normal kids with a normal life I sure also understand how parents can too easily fall into the trap of over protecting them – which in turn can drive a teacher nuts.


But my problem is that my daughter needs me to be a problematic parent, who email her teachers short mails just saying “she’s not doing so well today” or “we had to talk about many worries this morning”  or longer emails when the worry can’t be diffused so easily. Most of the time she just needs to know that her teachers has been told. That’s enough to make her feel safe. My daughter is not in counseling for no reason. Her worries makes life difficult, but I didn’t imagine that me diffusing her worries by simply promising her to send her teachers a mail, would become too overwhelming for her teachers. But that was just the start.

I’m keeping a diary of her worries, aches and good days and the pattern is pretty clear; at home she is fine. In school not so fine. But she doesn’t dislike school. She just have a lot of “what if” worries which she doesn’t seem to grow out of on her own, as well as a deep fear of teachers that stems back from her Japanese kindergarten days.
Her school has restricted me so I can’t contact school staff (including her teachers) directly any more. And you may ask: What did I do??
A friend of mine, who is also a nurse at the school, asked me about my daughter’s worries.
I explained to her in a private mail from friend to friend. Is it ungodly behavior to share with a friend when she asks? No… But unfortunately, I told her that she could share the information if she felt so led and that made the mail public. My mistake! – However, I did not expect that she would forward the mail to the nurses and the principal but I didn’t put restriction on it either so it’s my own fault. As soon as the mail was out, I got called to the principals office and was “grilled” for a good half hour about this mail.
A most unpleasant meeting where I was literally cut off from speaking as soon as I had said 2 words of a sentence. It was more an interrogation than a meeting. I know they read with entirely different eyes (not as friend but as staff), But I didn’t write anything bad about anyone or the school at all and I WILL swear this to you with my hands on the Bible!

I was shocked when told that some staff felt that I doubted their professional skills and so to avoid further mis-communication, I am only allowed to contact the principal about my girl and school. Despite re-reading the mail several times, I still have no clue what I said wrong… It is only right for them to give me the chance – to explain and say sorry to those staff who were offended, even if I don’t understand what I said, but I wasn’t even allowed that.
My friend tried to help from a kind heart, I understand that, so I don’t blame her. The school is a close-knitted Christian community. Communication + unity = community.
As the body of Christ we are supposed to build bridges of love, not build walls.

I can’t diffuse any worry my girl may suddenly have because I have to go through someone else (whom after that meeting I find it incredibly difficult to trust and talk to) instead of just getting a direct answer. I can’t attend the field trips I signed up for and told my daughter I would join, nor help out in class with parties etc. That is a wall. After this, I feel that I can’t rely 100% on them. I feel very much excluded from the community. This is another wall. I wasn’t gracefully given the time nor the prayers nor the opportunity to tell my side of the story. I must accept it for now and it’s hard. It goes against what I feel is right and it makes both dad and I concerned if our daughter are in the best caretakers hands or not. But I must trust that God knows best.

Thankfully, I took it to Jesus and He has plainly told me “He knows everything” and I received peace.I know they are wrong, but God will eventually reveal why He has allowed this to happen. This is called walking by faith – not by sight.

Resting in Him.


3 thoughts on “Being the problematic parent

  1. Thanks Sue!
    It actually gets worse… As I spoke to my friend about us not being able to talk, she told me she never forwarded the mail…?!? But at the meeting the principal had a copy of it in her hands and said “it was forwarded”. Of course she did not say from whom and as principal she does have access to the mail accounts of staffs, but my friend had no idea someone had accessed her mail account. Well, I am still leaving everything in the hands of Jesus, because – even in the garden of Eden there was a serpent, and so, even within the body of Christ satan can be found roaming around like a lion. He nearly managed to destroy the friendship we share. Wow… that serpent is so deceitful.
    Either way, walking by faith, not by sight!


  2. Sue in NC

    It does indeed sound like a lot of people ignored a lot of Biblical principles…. Very sad. However, you are so right in saying “God will eventually reveal why He has allowed this to happen. This is called walking by faith – not by sight.” When off-the-wall and incomprehensible stuff like this happens, it’s almost always His invitation to walk by faith and let Him be in charge. You get to see some really awesome stuff that way!! 🙂 I am praying with you, Lene. This has to be very difficult for you. I’d be willing to bet, though, that as you pray and walk in faith, YHVH will turn this to your daughter’s benefit – beauty from ashes. (Isa 61:3) It is such a comfort to have His promise: ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28) ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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