How many blows can you take?

Shame is driven away by His Forgiveness

Loneliness is cast out by the presence of Jesus.

Anger is erased by His Peace.

Fear is defeated by Trust.

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Just as I felt renewed, empowered and refreshed – more than ready to take up the challenge of being His witness and speak of His name, another blow hits my family and – yes, quite frankly I feel a little bit sorry for myself but even more for my husband. I do hope that my Lord is and will be Glorified in this, because I surely look like something the cat dragged in!!

This morning my husband told me that his company has decided to transfer him to Tatsuno. Near Himeiji which is about 2 hours from Kobe in Kansai area (west Japan) and some good 8 hours (at least) drive from home (Kanto, east Japan). Sigh. I cried… Lord, lord, lord, lord… My husband is very sad too. The move is from October 1st, which is the 2 weeks the company needs to give of notice.

My husband is level headed though and had already figured out that he would live in a company dormitory and take the night bus home Friday night (home saturday morning) and leave Sunday evening (back at work Monday morning) and my daughter and I should stay here. The simple truth of that decision is: There are 0 international schools in that area so his commute would be further than he has today (1 1/2 hour). The impact it may have on our girl mentally is too risky at this stage. We wouldn’t be able to pay the whole registration fee all over again so financially it would be devastating. I would have to homeschool her, which would have a huge tremendous effect on my GAD/stress levels.

My daughter and I are not likely to feel a big impact of this move, except that he will leave on Sunday afternoon/evenings instead of Monday morning at 5.30 am. As it is today, he generally is not able to come home on weekdays, unless he has business at head office in downtown Tokyo. The commute is long and so are the working hours and highway fees are expensive. He can come home but then we have gone to bed and he will leave before we wake up. So common sense dictates that it’s better he moves there on his own.

In a strange deep place inside my heart I know the peace that comes with knowing it’s the right thing to do. But my mind is fighting it, telling me that breaking families apart like this should be downright illegal… Many of my friends struggle in their marriages, fight, treat each other badly and can hardly make it work – and here we are with a good solid loving and caring marriage and we are not allowed to be together. The unfairness gets to me… And then there’s the fear. The simple knowledge I have that he will be far from us tears me apart… Knowing that he has to sacrifice so much for us – sleeping on a night bus twice pr. week, sharing toilet/bath with others (I know, it’s a luxurious problem but still), and working in an area where there are nothing else but rice paddies and a few houses. There are no rocks to climb, no park to practice his bouldering or skateboarding – yeah, you may laugh now, he is getting close to 50 years old and lately decided to take up skateboarding. That’s one more thing I love about him despite people calling it a midlife crisis. I don’t buy that – he is just that way and has always been. He’s such an amazing sacrificial Christ-like husband without, unfortunately, faith! How can I minister to him when he is not here? What is the Lord’s intention for this move?

Okay, I have stopped my pity-party and prayed to trust the Lord more. My loneliness will be replaced by the presence of Jesus. I’m still working and praying about my anger, but gradually I will feel His peace. And when I submit to His will, I will understand how unwilling my heart is and I will feel ashamed – but that shame will be driven away by His forgiveness.

But I will not stop praying that the Lord will bring my husband back home to live with us!

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7 thoughts on “How many blows can you take?

  1. Your situatin is very common in China. Then think about long distance truck drivers here in Canada that are always on the road. It is not much consolation to you but try talking every day on Skype. Jehovah bless you with peace, strength and love

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    1. It’s very common here in Japan too… that doesn’t make it easier though. He’s moving out this Sunday so I appreciate all the prayers we can get to get us through this coming weekend especially. Thank you.

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  2. My husband was an Arabic translator in the US Navy. Someone would simply tap him on the shoulder, say “Get your duffle bag and report to (a ship or the airport) in one hour” and he was GONE! He often had no idea where he was going, and for security reasons he could not tell me when he DID know. He rarely knew how long he would be gone, and for security reasons, he could not tell me when he DID know. We could not communicate while he was gone, except for an occasional 1-or-2-line telex. It’s a rough way to live, and hard on the kids. He might be gone a few days, a week, or a month. Usually we would JUST have gotten acclimated to “Mom’s style of discipline” when Dad would come home and we’d all have to shift gears to “Daddy’s style discipline.” In those early years of our marriage, we often did not agree on child care, so it was hard to make that shift.

    What I’m trying to say is that I HEAR YOU!!!! My heart SO goes out to you!! I asked YHVH all the same questions. I lay in my bed at night in tears thinking, “I can’t DO this by myself!” I worried about my husband’s ungodly friends talking him into visiting ungodly places and women. Etc., etc,, etc. SO MANY things to worry about!

    Wish I could tell you there is an easy way to deal with that stuff – there isn’t. You are absolutely right – the only answer is TRUST. Trusting that NOTHING comes into your life without the Master’s permission, and since He only wants your BEST, then EVERYTHING in your life is intended to be a blessing either for you or for someone around you. (The hard things are the things He asks us to go through for the sake of someone else – we get to reap the reward of the faithful, but those experiences are rarely pleasant….)

    You ARE trusting Him, or you wouldn’t be writing this blog. 🙂 Congratulations! You have a handle on this! You are already ‘more than a conqueror’! Thank you for continuing to encourage the rest of us to trust Him, too! ❤

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