Dealing with sadness

If you have ever felt deeply truly sad then you can probably relate. 

I am not sure how to deal with this sadness though. It feels like it’s a part of my blood and running through my veins. I am not frustrated, angry, stressed, depressed, disappointed or anxious for that matter. I am just deeply sad. Way down deep in my heart. 

Sad about my dad being this ill. Sad about the outlook on his illness. Sad about his tears. Sad about his unwillingness to accept even just God’s existence. Sad about his girlfriends behavior. Sad about my daughter having such strong mental challenges. Sad about the bleeding stomach she had and the possibility of it returning. Sad about my brothers ways. Sad about my husband working so hard and being stressed. Sad about my own struggles with anxiety. Sad about my best friend moving away. Sad… Just really sad. 

Being sad is not a sin. Dwelling in it may lead to sin. I don’t want to dwell in it, but admittedly this sadness is so overwhelming that it’s getting really hard to put on a smile and face the world. But I do it. Because I know that no matter what happens in my life: God has it covered. Sounds really sugar coated right? Well, it is… truth is that though everything in me yearns to believe and trust that Jesus has all my troubles and worries covered, I find it really tough to trust Him. Trust Him to help me through this. I really shouldn’t have any distrust here as He surely has carried me through tough times in the past and by the way, The God who hung the stars shouldn’t really have to proof Himself to me. So why am I struggling with trusting Him. 

According to Francis Chan and his book “crazy love”, I am a lukewarm Christian. Worrying about something is to not trust God and His ability to do whatever. I really don’t want to be a lukewarm Christian, but to some extend the guy is right. I am no longer on fire for Christ the way I used to be. Life – this worldly life – is beating me down. Why!?! Could it be God’s way to lead me further towards trusting Him? Nah… Even God can’t be that good, that forgiving, that wonderful… But the Bible tells me that He doesn’t give up on His own. 

Perhaps my sadness really stems from no longer feeling like I am on FIRE for Christ. The way I used to be. The way I want to be. I long for His presence and to feel His peace again so much it makes me cry. Literally. 

I’m feeling like a flower withering and no rain in sight. Holy Father – Please put color back in my heart. 

photo 5 - Version 2

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9 thoughts on “Dealing with sadness

  1. It was so thrilling to read your latest posts and learn that Isaiah’s words are becoming reality for you: “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of YHVH, that he might be glorified.”

    Pastor Jim’s words blessed me, too. We have a similar testimony. About 20 years ago, Y’shua was gracious to us and began teaching my family that same lesson of dependence. We finally realized that when things look darkest and most hopeless, that is EXACTLY the time that we should get excited, because (if we make the right choices) we are going to SEE HIM IN ACTION!!! And personally speaking, I find no greater joy in life than seeing my Lord glorified in this crazy world!

    One of my favorite examples occurred when my husband was unemployed for almost two years, while I had only a part time job so that I could care for my invalid father. We entered the situation with a huge debt load. It was simply more than we could handle, so we can’t take any credit for turning to the Lord for help – there was nowhere else to go! (You think perhaps He planned it that way?)

    The list of miraculous things He did for us during that time is almost ridiculously long, so I won’t be specific, but let me sum it up by saying that we came out of that 2-year period in better financial shape than we had ever been in before! Even more importantly, we had learned that the ‘bad’ things that come into our lives are not curses or burdens – they are OPPORTUNITIES to let YHVH be YHVH and watch Him ‘do His thing.’

    There are still sad times – losing our parents, watching a loved one reject the Savior, etc. But we always have that ‘peace that passeth all understanding’ because we KNOW that He is in control.

    A friend once shared with me something that encouraged her, and it has always remained with me: Her friend was going into major surgery and was terrified that she would not survive. The lady cried out in desperation, and suddenly she ‘saw’ Y’shua hovering over her hospital bed. His face was above hers, and his feet were above her feet as He hovered a few inches above her. He told her, “NOTHING gets to you until it goes through Me first!” And she saw in her mind that even the surgeon’s knife had to pass through Y’shua before it could reach her. Instantly she had great peace, knowing that Y’shua desires only her best.

    When my friend told me about this, I thought, “Well, that’s a nice story, but I need to know if it agrees with Scripture before I will give it any credence.” When I began searching the scriptures, the first thing I opened to was the book of Job, and was thrilled to find that the enemy had to get PERMISSION from YHVH before he could harass one of YHVH’s children! (Job, chapters 1 and 2)

    Then I knew – if my Master gives the enemy permission to give me grief, it is for the sole purpose of glorifying YHVH as I trust Him, accepting and rejoicing in what He has allowed into my life. Since my greatest joy is to glorify my savior, suddenly all those painful things in my life became sources of joy! WOW! PRAISE GOD!!

    To me, it sounds as though He is helping you through that same lesson – there is great joy ahead of you! I hope you will continue to share with us and allow us to glorify Him with you. 🙂

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  2. I can relate to your sadness very closely, although it is impossible for anyone but you to knowthe sadness fully. I do think you missed one area of sadness you need to be aware of and that is sadness for yourself. And it is o.k. to be sad for yourself, but I sense that you are now in a place where your faith can go DEEPER than the “On Fire” first faith that you have known. Yes—deeper and closer to God as you turn loose of your own ego and striving to “take care of everything yourself and reach out and open yourself to God and cry “Help Me! I can’t do this by myself!!” You see, in my experience that is when God can begin to work in your life.—only when you open yourself to God and say “Help me!”

    Let me share my experience: In the summer of 2010 my wife and I had just moved to Wichita and I was retiring from the ministry. I had one more Sunday to do services and had been living for the last two months in our former town in the empty parsonage, while my wife made our house into our home. That next to last Sunday we came home Sunday evening, unload the car (I couldn’t help much as I was facing a heart cath in another week) and we talked for quite some time in our living room about our future plans. I went to bed and my wife of 54 years stayed up to read awhile. I was awakened around midnight by a crash—my wife had somehow fallen headlong down the stairs and sustained a severe brain bleed. She was rushed to the hospital where the staff told me before morning that I should call my children to come as it didn’t look good. To sum up, my wife died the following Sunday morning and I never was able to even talk to her again. I had always been the “take care of” guy that others, including my wife, turned to. This was something I could NOT take care of by myself. I was filled with “what if’s” and with guilt. When my kids returned to their home, after the Memorial service, it was just more than I could bear and I went to bed one night, and crying, called out to God saying: “God help me! Help me! I just can’t get through this by myself!! The inner peace that I felt come over me is indescribable to those who have not felt it. I knew that God was present with me and would lead me through the dark valley! And God did just that. Many times I called on God and he was always right there. I’m telling you this because great love and great suffering go together to lead us to God. I define suffering as what happens when we cannot control what is happening in our lives. The sadness is a sign of that suffering—-recognize it for what it is and instead of trying to deal with it yourself—open yourself to God. Cry out to God, not to solve your problems, but to help you cope with him by God’s presence—-God has been there all the time waiting for you to open to his presence so that the “peace that passes understanding” can be yours.
    I would recommend a couple of books by Richard Rohr that I read after going through this experience that explain it better than I can. They are: ” Falling Upwards” And “The Naked Now”

    I’m praying for you and know that God will take care of you and yours and will lead you to a feeling of his presence that will give you peace. Keep me in the loop on your blog. God cares for you and so do I, even though I’ve never seen you and probably never will until we all get to Heaven!

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    1. My dear Pastor Jim!

      We could really use those Latte’s and a table, couldn’t we!?

      Thank you for sharing your story and testimony of how God worked in your life. Loosing your wife in such a way must have been shocking, but Praise the Lord for giving you His peace in the midst of trial and for equipping you with the gift of encouragement. I feel humbled you are reading my blog.

      If you have read my latest posting you will know that God has also shown me His compassion and taken the sadness away to be replaced by His peace. I once were in the deep pit of self-pity (that story would be under the category of “stress – the journey from broken vessel to…”) and I’m not going back down if I can do anything to stop it. But indeed you are correct when mentioning the feeling sad for myself part. That was possibly the reason why I wrote a blog post about it.

      I do have a great wish to grow into a deeper relationship with Lord Jesus. I really really want that with all my heart. And the journey is forming as I take one step after another.

      Thank you for stopping by and if you ever come to Tokyo please do let me know!
      Lene

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  3. I pray that your sadness draws you closer to the heart of God. I deal with sadness too at times. I think it is natural when faced with many difficult situations. My sadness pushes me to pray more often, read the Bible and seek God for dilverance. The Spirit of God within you may be grieving for you and these other situations. Our sadness and brokenness can be used by God, especially if we don’t turn to addiction to ease our pain.

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  4. Yes, sadness is a part of our sinful lives . . . we live in a world of sorrow. Everywhere we turn there is death, illness, destruction, heartbreak, and everything else that takes our eyes off Jesus and the joy we will have when He returns. He tells us to be encouraged for our worries, problems and sadnesss are temporay, to keep our eyes on Him. He will put gladness in your heart when you focus more on Him and less of the other things. Not as easy as it sounds but it is what is working for me. Praying the Lord will fill you with His abudant joy! God Bless

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