Overload!

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Oh sweet Jesus, be strong for me!

My dad is 10.000 km away and suffering from advanced prostate cancer. it entered the bones so it’s no longer stage 1. One vertebra collapsed and he had surgery. He is learning to walk again, but he tires very easily. Needless to say that his time left on earth will be short, but I’m praying for a nice summer holiday together. He is not saved. Last time we saw each other is 5 years ago. We are not on bad terms at all, but we didn’t have a nice holiday together back then. I am reminding myself that it’s not my responsibility if he does not accept Jesus. Only God can lead someone to faith.

Meanwhile I am doing 2 Bible studies. The BSF one on Matthew and another one where we just read through the Gospels to learn who Jesus is. We began with loving John then went on to factual Luke and we are now reading Mark… It’s pretty much like a gospel overload right now and admittedly I find it difficult to not find it a bit too much.

And of course – my daughter is now 7 but acting like a 14 year old. Oh my Word!! Hormones, I’m sure. Wanting to be a little girl and yet wanting to be a big girl. But the worst part is the way she speaks and acts toward me. She is so… painfully nasty to me. I understand fully that she is the one hurting and thus, I’m trying my best to love her anyway. And I do. Some words are just so cruel that I end up in tears when she is not around. And God is faithful and calms my heart, reminds me that I’m not alone and through a dear friend also reminds me that – she has been through a lot just like I have. The other day I had enough and asked God what to do… Open hands, open heart, giving it up. Just that day I walked by a “thing”-shop… You know those shops that just sell a lot of small stuff. There I saw a necklace hanging with a silver heart on it inscribed “love” and a pink tiara dangling in front of it. I bought and gave it to my daughter telling her to remember who she is. She is God’s princess – and dearly loved! Every morning when I drop her off at school, I tell her to remember who she is. It seems to work… She feels more brave and doesn’t cling on to me when we say bye at school. However, at home the tone is still nasty and sometimes cruel. Still praying about that.

So, just when I think I am having a gospel overload and praying for my daughter and myself as well… God has me opening my Bible on John 16 – the last part where Jesus prays for his disciples and for us… So much love flows from Jesus all the time. I need to see it and live it and feel it and pass it on. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness and love.

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