Sometimes I just don’t feel very “Christian”…

In the midst of this life there are many days when I just do not feel very Christian. There are days when I can’t grasp what He did for me and how it all comes together. There are so many times when I look upwards and go “I love you Jesus, but I can’t see what I feel like I need to see”.

There are times when I do something that’s not a sin, but still raises eye brows on friends with a “higher morale standard”, and then I just don’t feel so Christian. One great example is when my husband and I go on a date, we do not go out for dinner. We go to a love hotel.

We do live in Japan and they are not all nasty hide-aways for people having affairs and the likes, nor are they all equipped with S/M stuff or created for prostitutes. Many of them exists because people oftentimes live with parents and grandparents and japanese houses do not have much privacy. There are sleazy nasty dirty places and then there are the high class spa and resort types. Though I’m sure many people use them for less than morale purposes, we do not. We enjoy it to the fullest and after all, God did invent love making. But oh my, have I ever experienced raised eye brows when I mention it. It’s just morally beneath a Christian… And of course one can argue that using a love hotel is the same as supporting immoral ways. But for us, after 10 years of marriage, it’s a great chance to enjoy each other without ending up talking about our daughter! It’s also a huge stress buster… and I dearly love my husband.

And with the risk of all of you raising your eye brows at this idea, I am opening up and letting you in.

When a fellow sister or brother in Christ looks at me with a hint of contempt or literally raises an eye brow, I feel so not Christian. I wish I could say that I just open up my Bible and feel all better, but that’s not what happens. Comparing myself to others has a bad effect on me. Hanging on to Jesus for dear life, it is hard to shake those eye brows! However, in my heart I know I love Jesus and He loves me. He knows where my heart is and whom I am with in that hotel.

Forgive me if I touched your morale standard or pushed the limit of what you think/feel/believe is gross…


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